"Rule One: If you pull into my driveway and honk you’d better be delivering a package, because you’re sure not picking anything up." - AJ Batac (/-_-) from Bookmarklet

Rule Two: You do not touch my daughter in front of me. You may glance at her, so long as you do not peer at anything below her neck. If you cannot keep your eyes or hands off of my daughter’s body, I will remove them. - AJ Batac (/-_-)

Rule Three: I am aware that it is considered fashionable for boys of your age to wear their trousers so loosely that they appear to be falling off their hips. Please don’t take this as an insult, but you and all of your friends are complete idiots. Still, I want to be fair and open minded about this issue, so I propose this compromise: You may come to the door with your underwear showing and your pants ten sizes too big, and I will not object. However, in order to ensure that your clothes do not, in fact, come off during the course of your date with my daughter, I will take my electric nail gun and fasten your trousers securely in place to your waist. - AJ Batac (/-_-)

Rule Four: I’m sure you’ve been told that in today’s world, sex without utilizing a “Barrier method” of some kind can kill you. Let me elaborate, when it comes to sex, I am the barrrier, and I will kill you. - AJ Batac (/-_-)

Really funny, but the source is gah-wheeze-hack (atheist kryptonite). - Kamilah Reed (K. Gill)

These aren't from here. These rules have been floating the internet for easily 12 - 15 years, with slight changes. - Anika

I know that I've seen variants of this forever. This *particular* copy comes from where it comes from. They're referring to some book or something. - Kamilah Reed (K. Gill)