Ari Shaffir - FriendFeed

It's sad to see an ugly bride and realize that's the best they'll ever look.

March 6 from Twitter - Comment - Like - Share

http://chill.com/aritheg... RT @HiggaSLC: $5 Passive Aggressive purchase was gold. Stonesr can watch weekly & it's like the 1st time every time.

March 6 from Twitter - Comment - Like - Share

RT @almadrigal: New York has made me realize that Mexicans are the lamest of all Latinos. @AriShaffir has been telling me that for years. Now I believe him.

March 5 from Twitter - Comment - Like - Share

RT @NerdMelt: Ari Shaffir! Jackie Kashian! Jon Daly! Jonah Ray! Competitive Erotic Fan Fiction! March 19! https://www.nerdmeltla.com/tickets...

March 5 from Twitter - Comment - Like - Share

Anybody know one? RT @robhunter82: @AriShaffir find a lucid heroin addict on the downtown east side of Vancouver for the podcast

March 5 from Twitter - Comment - Like - Share

RT @GVider: @IrishExit (978 2nd ave) 8pm free admission w. @AriShaffir, @JonnyFisch, @GregStone, @Fatboybarnett, @luisjgomez and me @GVider

March 5 from Twitter - Comment - Like - Share

Drama queens are emotional terrorists, threatening to sweep you up in a whirlwind of unwanted trouble.

March 5 from Twitter - Comment - Like - Share

Why does anyone have a car in New York? https://twitter.com/AriShaf...

March 5 from Twitter - Comment - Like - Share

Winnipeg! I'm finally coming back. June 6-8. I assume I can still find crack by the river? Tickets http://www.rumorscomedyclub.com/events...

March 5 from Twitter - Comment - Like - Share

Heading in to @OandAShow for some homosexual hijinx.

March 5 from Twitter - Comment - Like - Share

RT @TaitimusMaximus: New podcast up w/ @AriShaffir . Brilliant comic. Great friend. http://stitcher.com/s... https://itunes.apple.com/us... #DEATHSQUAD enough?

March 4 from Twitter - Comment - Like - Share

RT @kevinandbean: Here is the lineup for #AprilFoolishness 2013: @JayMohr @billburr @DougBenson @robdelaney @AriShaffir @funnybrad!! See you there!!

March 4 from Twitter - Comment - Like - Share

I'm gonna be on @OandAShow tomorrow morning at 8am(ish). I'll be promoting my new line of pube conditioners.

March 4 from Twitter - Comment - Like - Share

New Yorkers, I'm at @StandupNY tonight at 8pm. Tomorrow I'm at Gotham with @SteveRannazzisi at 10.

March 4 from Twitter - Comment - Like - Share

RT @CapCityComedy: @kmkep @AriShaffir will be @MoontowerComedy Festival this year! April 24-27!

March 3 from Twitter - Comment - Like - Share

HD really makes acting look shitty.

March 3 from Twitter - Comment - Like - Share

I just invented the best dessert. It's a raspberry bar and peanut bar combined. Somebody figure out how to make it.

March 3 from Twitter - Comment - Like - Share

If anybody wants to help, I need a picture of Tom Segura and myself for a podcast about masturbation. Any theme or design works.

March 3 from Twitter - Comment - Like - Share

When's the right time to ask your friend's father where his son keeps the volcano?

March 3 from Twitter - Comment - Like - Share

Girls, can you use a tampon as a diaper if can't get to a bathroom? I'm not sure how vaginas work.

March 3 from Twitter - Comment - Like - Share

RT @Dudebroccoli: HAHAHAHA Just saw that @arishaffir left me this note with my shirt! First fat guy shirt. Fuck yes!!! https://twitter.com/Dudebro...

March 3 from Twitter - Comment - Like - Share

I'll ask again tomorrow but just in case I get a rad one tonight, I need a photoshop of me and Tom Segura for a podcast about masturbation.

March 3 from Twitter - Comment - Like - Share

Why does every club put this as my credit when I've never even done 5 minutes on their network? https://twitter.com/AriShaf...

March 2 from Twitter - Comment - Like - Share

When did "bang" become a term for sex? Only rapists think that word describes sex.

March 2 from Twitter - Comment - Like - Share

Is there any reason to stay in Vancouver an extra day when I'm there for @theComedyMIX in a few weeks?

March 2 from Twitter - Comment - Like - Share

2 shows tonight at McGuires on Long Island. How can you name your town Bohemia if the main attraction is an A&W? http://tickets.mcguirescomedy.com/show...

March 2 from Twitter - Comment - Like - Share

See, girls? It even makes us play better. http://instagram.com/p...

March 2 from Twitter - Comment - Like - Share

Somebody ask @TheRealRoseanne to do my podcast so we can talk about germaphobia.

March 2 from Twitter - Comment - Like - Share

Why is @PerezHilton still alive? AIDS needs to get stronger. RT @ndbrue: Wow!! @joerogan @redban @AriShaffir http://perezhilton.com/2013-03...

March 2 from Twitter - Comment - Like - Share

Long Island is to New York as the Armenian genocide is to attempted race extinctions.

March 1 from Twitter - Comment - Like - Share