Even after I've told her not to. Which says to me that she is more concerned about what her friends think than what her father tells her to do. The implications of which, I do not like. And yes, I know I'm projecting. - MoTO Bott

I'm right there with you. This past week has been...difficult. - Anika

I have the urge to go up to school and snatch a couple of crumb snatchers bald. This would not go down well as 1) I am a "Large Black Man" [edit:] in an overwhelmingly white community 2) Many of the parents I know think their children do no wrong 3) (and most importantly) this teaches my child nothing. - MoTO Bott

But I have threatened to go up to the school and "act a fool" if this last "giveaway" is not corrected, and soon. And from now on, she buys her own stuff. I'm done. If she can't afford it, then she has to work it off. Probably should have done this from the jump. - MoTO Bott

Yes, learning the value (dollar and otherwise) of things is always a good lesson. Having her work for her supplies might be your best out here, B., esp. if, as pea noted, there's another, or even multiple, motivations behind the "lending." This way, you don't squelch any positive sharing impulse and, instead, hopefully encourage more judicious use of materials and more responsibility in maintaining them well (since Daddy isn't a bottomless well of art supplies anymore). - Ayşe E.

Other classmates pea. And it's not about affordability. Not that I care at this point. They mooch off her when they forget things, or break things. She's soft hearted and they know it. She's coming from a good place. She wants to be helpful. But in the last couple of instances she's admitted to feeling "pressured" by her "friends" to share. Not threatened mind you, otherwise I would be making some phone calls, and could give a damn who cares. But I keep telling her that I don't buy her colored pencils for other kids to wear down. And in this case, I told her not to lend anyone a jump drive I'd provided for her to bring work home. So she just flat out lunched. - MoTO Bott

Thanks Ayse. For one, we do dishes on a rotational basis or on a "who cooked" or "whose too cooked to wash" basis. The job is going to be hers for a while. - MoTO Bott

Dude. I think our daughters are the same person. o_0 - ha3rvey (Hugs 50% off!)

Absolutely C. The kid has empathy to spare. We are complimented often on how caring she is. Other parents even tell us that they hold her up as an example of the kind of person they would like their kids to be... which really makes me scratch my head sometimes. Weren't *they* supposed to help coach that? Hell we sure did. We coached, taught, encouraged. I fear that some of it is, understandably, trying to "fit in." But the other kids rarely reciprocate from what I can tell. I know how she feels. I went to largely "majority" schools through high school. You want to feel liked. I honestly don't think she'd break any personal code or do anything that we've taught her as "wrong". But she gives up her "stuff", in part, I think, to "get along." And like I said, the hurting thing is the little runts rarely reciprocate. She gets picked "last" for groups, is always an afterthought in large activities. Oddly though (now that I think of it) we get multiple requests for one on one play dates. Weird - MoTO Bott

She's 11 pea. And it's not going to break me. I just want her to understand that there is some value to the things we provide for her. Also, she's come up short on occasion when she's lent objects out and they were returned broken or not at all. Then she can't get her work done. - MoTO Bott

*passes shot glass and bottle to Silent 3* - MoTO Bott

That's where I'm headed C. Exactly where I'm headed. None of this will break me. I'm just trying to break the cycle of dependence (Lord I'm a Republican ... *shrieks*) - MoTO Bott

Gah, this pressure thing! Poor kiddo. Can those cool pencils just not travel to school w/ her for a while, just to remove this method of relating to her friends? Maybe remind her that she can fit in w/o being the kid everybody can take from (even in a "sharing" way)? I do think she'll grow out of some of this, but I do hope it's sooner than later. I have no doubt she's a great kid, and I hate to think of her "friends" just assuming she'll "be nice" because she *is* nice. - Ayşe E.

Cross country pea. Where she excels. Aunty Ayse is getting the scholarship monies together as we speak. She played travel soccer for 4 years but the head to head competition was not her thing. - MoTO Bott

<sings fight song> "Cos I'm a Tar Heel born and a Tar Heel bred and when I die I'm a Tar Heel dead, so Rah Rah Carolina -lina, Rah Rah Carolina -lina...!!" I think she'll be really happy on central campus, B., where I lived, though they'll probably have cool sky-pod dorms by the time she arrives. :) - Ayşe E.

Thanks Ayse. Good point. We'll consider that. We (read: "Mom") sends her to school double and triple prepared for everything. She's like the Inspector Gadget of 6th grade. But I just want her to work on that "no" thing for a bit too. "Ironically" she has no trouble standing up to us when she needs to. And she knows I'm crazy... I told her tonight just say "no." I've got your back. If they keep pestering you tell them Daddy will be glad to explain it fully for them. I still get a wide berth from most of them. Mostly because they know I don't like any of them for the most part. Especially the boys. - MoTO Bott

I'll keep you in the bullpen pea. Thanks. - MoTO Bott

That got so bad with my daughter that we started sending her to school with only enough supplies for a couple days. Her teachers understand, and they agree that it's mostly the group dynamics. I just want her to think about things before she acts. It's easier to be mindful of how many pencils you have if you only have 3 instead of 100. - ha3rvey (Hugs 50% off!)

preach Silent 3. At least it's not just us then. Good to know it doesn't last forever. Thanks for the support and the strategies/suggestions everybody. - MoTO Bott

B., in addition to "no," which is so important, maybe also start her off on a small but different track of asking the repeat offenders of the borrowed-then-lost pencils to borrow theirs, reverse the dynamic a bit so she can see that these relations are not just one-way (and the other kids can see that too). It's subtle, but I do think some of this stuff happens below the surface sometimes (groupthink, power differentials) and subtle shifts--not major declarations--can have beneficial outcomes. It protects her a bit, too, because it's so reasonable an exchange--the other kids do it every day--and doesn't require overt declarations/rejections, but it might just grease the wheels for future assertiveness. Also: she is so lucky that Dad's got her back. BEST LESSON EVER. - Ayşe E.

Thanks Ayse. I fear that it will not be reciprocated, but I will suggest it. - MoTO Bott