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"I hope you slapped your dick around on this bitch's giant forehead."
Shout out to male mosquitos for drinking nectar and plant juices instead of biting humans. You da real MVP.
.@SwiftKey Jesus tittyfucking Christ, why do you keep capitalizing Internet? Even when I long-press and command you to forget. Fucking stop.
Social Distortion – Writing on the Wall -
That one episode of Cops where the bicycle cop with one leg chases down and tackles some big ass nigga and arrests him.
Pop quiz, no Googling. Name two Sir-Mix-A-Lot songs.
Probably not drunk in a Whole Foods
Watching two balding fat men drinking beer and talking nonsense. I would join them but nobody likes 3 balding fat men drinking.
I saw the supermoon! No wait, that's just a water tower.
I bet 2 Chainz doesn't even like being a rapper and only does it to support his exotic cooking hobby.
New Goatwhore, Pennywise, Rise Against and Suicide Silence.
This post brought to you by @JackLinks
. @Ford Is there a parent lockout for the heated seats on the Ford Edge? My girlfriend keeps turning mine on and it's like 90 degrees out.
.@TacoBell Just got a burrito and the cashier was pregnant, but I didn't see a wedding ring, how do you feel about children out of wedlock?
Great, now there are Froot Loops in my elevator.
Re: [North American Giveaway] Win One Of Five Huawei Ascend Mate 2s From Android Police And -
"Reverse charge is cool and all, but my favorite feature is the battery life itself." - Ben Marvin
Why isn't every burger on a pretzel bun? Checkmate, atheists.
A church and a yoga studio attached to a gas station. Only in Georgia.
This coffee is hotter than Satan's dick.
Remember Coolio?
Mark Wahlberg and The Rock and some other guy are bodybuilders from Miami...
Working at Hobby Lobby is birth control. Checkmate atheists.
Fiona the Chihuahua taking cat food from the bowl -
Fiona the Chihuahua taking cat food from the bowl
Browsing vanity tables on Pinterest and listening to Infant Annihilator at full volume. There must be something wrong with me.
Barely after 8am and I already had to use my AK. Today is not gonna be a good day.
You people got blueberry pie, makes me wanna go home and fuck my wife. You people got peach pie, makes me wanna go home and kick my dog.
Kinda glad I don't follow anyone that would spoil the Formula One race for me.
These birds going cheap, cheap, cheap. Anti-Semites.
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