sandwichpolice: Shhh! I want to hear if this dumb girl accepts the drunken marriage proposal in my apartment building hallway. - http://twitter.com/sandwic...
karinaink: Me: I think I'd rather go on a date than watch football tomorrow. Husband: Ok. Who do you want me to set you up with? (Ha....ha) - http://twitter.com/karinai...
ruthakers: Dude at hospital just told me I look like the girl he cheated off of in math class
Did you fail sir?
No?
Than I assure you
It wasn't me - http://twitter.com/ruthake...
rachijan: 'Rachel, this is The Future. The Future is now.' 'Wow. Thanks for the encouragement. You're like one of those crappy motivational posters.' - http://twitter.com/rachija...
davio1962: Putting To-Do items into categories. So far I have "Put Off Until Tomorrow" and "I Really Don't Remember You Assigning This To Me" - http://twitter.com/davio19...
toldorknown: Given the precedent set by Cheerios, SpaghettiOs, and Fritos, I really thought flamingos would taste better than this. - http://twitter.com/toldork...
abigvictory: Wow. An Ed Hardy inspired Twilight shirt. It's like Hot Topic got drunk on wine coolers and threw up on you. - http://twitter.com/abigvic...
nonsequiturific: Husband on important business call discussing surgical robot. I do the robot every time he says it. I AM GOOD AT HELPING - http://twitter.com/nonsequ...
apelad: Who will be the first to drink moon water, and what monumental sentence will be uttered after doing so? Also: bendy straw or regular? @NASA? - http://twitter.com/apelad...
davejohnston: I'm not using Lists or Retweets. Basically I'm striving to be your grandfather that drives a 79 Ford LTD and doesn't know what a DVD is. - http://twitter.com/davejoh...
poeks: "Oh, my friend is having craft night tomorrow, if you want to come." "Oh, I don't know how to knit." "I usually just bring my computer." - http://twitter.com/poeks...