Brad Purchase - FriendFeed

"getting up" is the lazy man's "surviving the holocaust".

7 hours ago from Twitter - Comment - Like - Share

Eating so much food that I don't remember a time when I wasn't eating food.

21 hours ago from Twitter - Comment - Like - Share

RT @rupertmurdoch: @rupertmurdoch

Tuesday from Twitter - Comment - Like - Share

Men everywhere SCRAMBLING to find the words to redeem themselves

Tuesday from Twitter - Comment - Like - Share

Not driving a Lexus is the best choice I didn't make.

Tuesday from Twitter - Comment - Like - Share

RT @AskDrRuth: Everyone who's alone this Val Day (& wants to) masturbate at 11 PM EST. That way instead of feeling alone, u'll be part of a group project.

Tuesday from Twitter - Comment - Like - Share

98% sure my dentist just queefed and said "excuse me" like a gentleman

Tuesday from Twitter - Comment - Like - Share

My fuck-dungeon looks like a Dexter killroom

Monday from Twitter - Comment - Like - Share

"Oh, you have a black belt? Come upstairs!" - No one

Monday from Twitter - Comment - Like - Share

Tomorrow is a great day to put your dong in another human!

Monday from Twitter - Comment - Like - Share

fuck u taylor swift for stealing my grandmother's clothes she is 73 years old

Sunday from Twitter - Comment - Like - Share

Katy Perry appears to be forming some kind of Blue Woman Group

Sunday from Twitter - Comment - Like - Share

Lady Gaga ft. a deli sausage wrapping

Sunday from Twitter - Comment - Like - Share

Alicia Keys ft. My Best Friend's Mom

Sunday from Twitter - Comment - Like - Share

RT @bradleyjp: Great job, @Suntimes. http://twitter.com/bradley...

Sunday from Twitter - Comment - Like - Share

RIP Whitney Houston.

Sunday from Twitter - Comment - Like - Share

That cashier told me to "have a nice day" but I know she really wants me to "die in a fucking house fire"

Saturday from Twitter - Comment - Like - Share

Can't wait for Kanye West to just give up and name his next album "HEUHHH?"

Saturday from Twitter - Comment - Like - Share

#hashtag #twitter #websites #tweets

Saturday from Twitter - Comment - Like - Share

I wonder what Americans are going to tweet about after the election

Saturday from Twitter - Comment - Like - Share

hey girl turn around and let me see that fart factory

February 10 from Twitter - Comment - Like - Share

"Call before you come, I need to shave my cha-cha." - Missy Elliot

February 10 from Twitter - Comment - Like - Share

Is "The Hunger Games" about Macaulay Culkin because seriously I think he's winning

February 9 from Twitter - Comment - Like - Share

Is there a place like Chatroulette except for vaginas?

February 9 from Twitter - Comment - Like - Share

This banana is intimidatingly big.

February 9 from Twitter - Comment - Like - Share

Life is really just a break between meals.

February 9 from Twitter - Comment - Like - Share

I'm "pocket calculator" white.

February 8 from Twitter - Comment - Like - Share

If Hitler was a woman even he would have flushed his tampons you filthy ape woman

February 8 from Twitter - Comment - Like - Share

"I'm on a whole other level" - Olympic Winner receiving his gold medal

February 8 from Twitter - Comment - Like - Share

If you haven't eaten an entire container of cream cheese in a single sitting, you have never been in love.

February 8 from Twitter - Comment - Like - Share