C.m. Velazquez

When I bust out the pop-up, snow-covered Graceland that is part of Elvis Presley’s fine CD If Every Day Was Like Christmas, it really is Christmas, so go to your room and shut your pie-holes with more pie. - http://brilliantorange.tumblr.com/post...

2000 followers! I'm touched. From now on, however, none of you are allowed to address me directly or look me in the eye.

Super Dave Osborne’s Joke of the Week. Because I care, man. - http://brilliantorange.tumblr.com/post...

2000 followers! I'm so grateful - wait, 1,997? You know what? FUCK YOU PEOPLE. I will be in my trailer!

Thanksgiving. For four adults and two kids. - http://brilliantorange.tumblr.com/post...

My favorite part of the parade is the smallpox reenactment.

CHEESES SAVES.

@worldwarmike They all do.

No salad tomorrow. It confuses the blood.

Team Woodward or Team Bernstein?

@verymarie who always bummed smokes and never had cash.

@Mike_FTW Happy Yanksgiving!

@judo_nnn Steal from the best.

I wonder if anybody ever slapped Nostadamus upside his head and asked if he saw that coming.

Furk tofurky.

Dear Santa: For Xmas, I would like one Japanese Bikini Girl Slip & Slide, please. - http://brilliantorange.tumblr.com/post...

@verymarie I will if I can stop crying.

Video: Dear Santa: For Xmas, I would like one Japanese Bikini Girl Slip & Slide, please. http://brilliantorange.tumblr.com/post...

@abonsig There are two things I am NEVER too exhausted to do. "Eat" is one of them. Okay, maybe just that one thing.

@Just_Alison I bet he smells like bong water.

Screenwriting Tip: Hollywood has made 7 Police Academy and 4 Free Willy movies, but not ours. Now pour one for me.

My Top 5 Artists (Week Ending 2009-11-22) - http://www.last.fm/user...

Dear Windows and Internet Explorer: PLEASE DIE.

Lady Orange has signed us up for a spin class Thanksgiving morning. This means I can have extra everything later, right?

@Zaius13 Oh sure, and then you bring out the licorice and E-meters again. Fool me once, Zaius!

Lady Orange is surrounded by nerds at her new job and I am her lifeline for all their nerd references. Excelsior.

I miss the Cold War. It was like Republican pre-school. It kept them busy.

♫ Wild Horses (2009 Re-Mastered Digital Version) - The Rolling Stones http://www.lala.com/#song... It sounds so good, it got me drunk.

If you quote the Bible to me, then I get to quote Animal House to you.

alisonagosti: So we’re just never going to give Jeter the MVP, huh?  Even though he deserved it?  AGAIN?  Fine, Other Recognizable Twin, enjoy that. On the other hand, Joe Mauer is going look to look rather smashing in pinstripes one day. - http://brilliantorange.tumblr.com/post...