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"We're not getting rid of that bag. I paid ten cents for it. I'm taking that sonofabitch home." -mom is killing me over here
"What did you do in San Francisco? I paid for a bag." -my mom (haaaa)
Bubble time. @ Domaine Carneros Champagne Estate http://instagram.com/p...
Today: Napa.
RT @dominiqueleone: new tracks! — Dominique Leone: http://dominiqueleone.com/2014...
"If I can still add the tip to the check, I'm not drunk." -mom
"It looks like democracy has thrown up on this hillside." -my friend talking about election signs
RT @anildash: Everything we share on our social networks is public & therefore up for grabs — it's simple, right? Nooope. https://t.co/SVDE8P1XU1
Mom's delayed in the Vegas airport and she said she's won $80 at the slot machines. Haha.
Obama delayed my mom.
Me: "Do I sound frustrated?" Him: 'That's one way to put it. "Bloodthirsty" would be another way.'
go to your happy place: http://s.mlkshk.com/r/ZV00
👿✂️💣🔫🔪💊💉🔨😡
"positions of authority give people a sense they are better able to control time than subordinates..." http://online.wsj.com/article...
I would like a corndog from Hot Dog on a Stick from Rivergate Mall in Nashville, TN. With a lemonade. My needs are simple.
Deep breaths.
MY MOM IS COMING INTO TOWN TODAY I AM VERY EXCITED
I need an "I ❤️My Shrink" shirt
Busy as a one-legged man in an ass kicking contest.
RT @AuntB: @brittneyg That would make me want you on the jury, since you'd be all regal and wise.
First ever jury duty summons. Time to get my Princess Leia outfit out.
Wake up, open twitter, see "The meaning of life, according to Kanye West", immediately go back to bed.
RT @BungerKCBS: Bay Area weather: watch out for a possible thunderstorm this morning. Our complete weather page: http://weather.sanfrancisco.cbslocal.com/US...
I would like to be asleep.
"They were sad, too." THEY WERE SAD, TOO: http://www.latinorebels.com/2014...
The New Yorker pulled its paywall on stories published since 2007. Longform picked some good ones: http://longform.org/posts...
Drought, destruction, death, misery, mushy apple. Same.
I just laughed entirely too hard at this: http://s.mlkshk.com/r/ZTF1
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