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How do you one up your wife when she buys you a scroll saw for Valentine's Day ...
I installed non-slammable toilet seats in my house. The downside? I now slam the toilet seat everywhere else.
I did it all for the cookies.
I'm curious: how many miles are on your car?
You gonna learn today @KevinHart4real
Watching @KevinHart4real Laugh at My Pain. @deeroyer @Scott_Royer
The time you enjoy wasting; is not wasted time.
Fun facts from my brother @deeroyer: Girls only poop once a year on new years day.
Rise and grind, people. Friday is upon us.
Just passed through Nacogdoches. The restroom I stopped to take a leak at, literally, had shit on the walls. #trufax
Finished The Hunger Games trilogy. Great read. Hope they don't botch the movies.
Mayonnaise #snow
Caramel Frappachino is delicious today @coffeegroundz -- ps. Mac 11; PC 2;
Pigeons are natures street cleaners. #funfact
TextMate 2 beta was released today. Time to write some Ruby code.
Some high school kids outside Kroger raising money for their basketball "uniformes" ... the irony is palpable.
Happy birthday, Mom. Hope Jesus made enough wine for you.
How many people know that flashing your brights or hazards to the other side of a highway means there is a cop hiding?
Wish there was a way to convert all my physical books to digital Kindle format.
Life is short; In spite of your plans. So tell the girls they're pretty while you can.
I'm pretty sure a porn star just followed me ... #bi-winning
Started reading "The Hunger Games" on my Kindle. Three chapters in and it's interesting so far. #rabdargab
RT @TheSquare: This is probably the highest-scoring Words With Friends move ever: http://t.co/IALztcMk
I've had Tweeter's block for the past couple months. #comeback
No matter how aero dynamic or futuristic you try to make a mini-van, it's still a mini-van #quest
If Satan ever needs to take the form of a cat; I have an orange kitten who would make the perfect vessel. #bastard_clawed_my_foot
Installed Windows 7 from a USB drive for the first time. It's great not having to deal with CDs any more.
Apparently, my best friends wife broke a water glass or something. Now they're heading to the hospital. Thats weird, eh? #miguelito2011
"Who are these, queers?" - My Dad at the Nickelback halftime performance.
RT @deeroyer: The demands have been made. If there's not mac n cheese at Thanksgiving dinner.....I'm not goin
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