Jon Winokur - FriendFeed

One should never trust a woman who tells one her real age; a woman who would tell one that would tell one anything. OSCAR WILDE

2 hours ago from Twitter - Comment - Like - Share

Twitter is a helpful tool for finding out what people with no lives are watching on TV right now. (via @BorowitzReport)

7 hours ago from Twitter - Comment - Like - Share

So all my friends have kids now... which I think is rude. DAVID CROSS

12 hours ago from Twitter - Comment - Like - Share

It’s not that I’m afraid to die. I just don’t want to be there when it happens. WOODY ALLEN

yesterday from Twitter - Comment - Like - Share

Chess is seldom found above the upper-middle class: it’s too hard. PAUL FUSSELL

yesterday from Twitter - Comment - Like - Share

Until you know who you are you can’t write. – Salman Rushdie (via @parisreview) #amwriting #writing #writetip

yesterday from Twitter - Comment - Like - Share

Courage is the fear of being thought a coward. HORACE SMITH

yesterday from Twitter - Comment - Like - Share

Short version of every Valentine ad: "The woman in your life is a prostitute who prefers payment in jewelry & flowers." RT @BorowitzReport

Tuesday from Twitter - Comment - Like - Share

If your sexual fantasies were truly of interest to others, they would no longer be fantasies. FRAN LEBOWITZ

Tuesday from Twitter - Comment - Like - Share

Whatever women do they must do twice as well as men to be thought half as good. Luckily this is not difficult. CHARLOTTE WHITTON

Monday from Twitter - Comment - Like - Share

Studio heads have foreheads by dint of electrolysis. S. J. PERELMAN

Monday from Twitter - Comment - Like - Share

My theology, briefly, is that the universe was dictated, but not signed. CHRISTOPHER MORLEY

Monday from Twitter - Comment - Like - Share

Marriage is an adventure, like going to war. G.K. CHESTERTON

Sunday from Twitter - Comment - Like - Share

I live in fear of not being misunderstood. OSCAR WILDE

Sunday from Twitter - Comment - Like - Share

As Maine goes, so goes Vermont. JAMES A. FARLEY

Sunday from Twitter - Comment - Like - Share

There is more stupidity than hydrogen in the universe, and it has a longer shelf life. FRANK ZAPPA

Saturday from Twitter - Comment - Like - Share

The two most common elements in the universe are Hydrogen and stupidity. HARLAN ELLISON

Saturday from Twitter - Comment - Like - Share

One reason the human race has such a low opinion of itself is that it gets so much of its wisdom from writers. WILFRID SHEED

February 11 from Twitter - Comment - Like - Share

Holidays are an expensive trial of strength. The only satisfaction comes from survival. JONATHAN MILLER

February 11 from Twitter - Comment - Like - Share

The new Airbus plane, the A380, is capable of holding 800 passengers. Or, 400 Americans. JON STEWART

February 10 from Twitter - Comment - Like - Share

It is dangerous to be right when the government is wrong. VOLTAIRE

February 10 from Twitter - Comment - Like - Share

As you get older, the pickings get slimmer, but the people don’t. CARRIE FISHER (@CarrieFFisher)

February 9 from Twitter - Comment - Like - Share

America: where a *Dramatization* disclaimer is necessary when dogs drive cars. (via @kbeninato)

February 9 from Twitter - Comment - Like - Share

If we could just find out who's in charge, we could kill him. ~George Carlin #Humor (via @GeorgeCarlinSez)

February 9 from Twitter - Comment - Like - Share

I became a journalist partly so that I wouldn't ever have to rely on the press for my information. CHRISTOPHER HITCHENS

February 8 from Twitter - Comment - Like - Share

Thank you, @WordSmitten, for the upcoming return engagement on About the Books, this Sunday, Feb 12th, at 5pm EST: http://about-the-books.com/about-u...

February 8 from Twitter - Comment - Like - Share

Digitus impudicus: When did the middle finger become offensive? http://www.bbc.co.uk/news...

February 7 from Twitter - Comment - Like - Share

Things are not so good or so bad as they seem. LA ROCHEFOUCAULD

February 7 from Twitter - Comment - Like - Share

Illegal aliens have always been a problem in the United States. Ask any Indian. ROBERT ORBEN

February 6 from Twitter - Comment - Like - Share

Ye shall know the truth, and the truth shall make you mad. ALDOUS HUXLEY

February 6 from Twitter - Comment - Like - Share