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Just saw a guy licking the lid to his on-the-side Ranch salad dressing. #CalmDown
I don't want to turn on my TV because I know McKayla Maroney won't be there anymore. #OlympicsWithdrawl
After hearing Tom Daley speak on camera last night, I'm pretty sure he isn't real. #olympics
Michelle Obama sitting next to Summer Sanders at the Olympics. I hope Mrs. O doesn't say the secret word and get slimed.
In the mood to get into an argument. But it's no fun winning all the time.
Dear Jennifer @wholefoods South Beach: stop bitching about closing so you can go to the bar. I don't pay $20 for eggs to listen to you.
A CAR, A CAT, AND A BOTTLE OF SHAMPOO - http://danrenzi.typepad.com/stuff...
Never put a wet cat in kitty litter. #wordsofwisdom
The next person who tells me "You look good for your age" will be told "Thank you. And you look thin for your weight." #happybirthday
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