Emily McIntire

“One week and a nearly a thousand dollars later: my dog is out one tooth and has gained a whole pound.”

“It's all about sweetening the deal. I do not want a deal that has not been sweetened.”

“The sound of lawn mowers and leaf blowers truly makes me angry.”

“Even though i dislike cars, it would be nice to ride in a car without getting car sick for once.”

“Pineapple express: waste of money and waste of talent. I am truly disappointed. What a bomb.”

“Found a case of seagram's whisky from 1967 in my grandma's basement. Wonder if it's worth anything.”

“Boston folks have no right to complain about subway prices. Two bucks takes you anywhere.”

“@jetpants not much time to tweet. Too many italian relatives pinching my cheeks and making me eat all the time.”

“Too many ugly and crappy conversion fixies in boston.”

“@jetpants, you just missed wrinkleshirt talking about his vacuum hair-cutting device.”

“i think i have food poisoning. AGAIN. was it the old salad dressing?”

“dude on jeopardy look like michael bluth.”

“cuil review: totally weaksauce.”

“"I just don't like techno." "you would if you had robot ears."”

“Heard on train: she's like, really emo. She's like ashley simpson.”

“just when the air got clear again, a fire breaks out in my city. a garbage fire.”

“my fear of crustaceans is getting even worse.”

“Modest Mouse and Franz Ferdinand sound exactly the same.”

“feeling stabby.”

“now topping corn lady and fish guy on the train... Nail clipping lady!”