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Serenading works on guys too.
I hope I'm not playing Hanging with Friends with a little kid because he had to guess three cuss words in a row.
I want to go back to the 90s just so I can watch TV all day.
Do Chia pets die?
Why am I not in Rio de Janeiro right now?
Mira, @robgomez18! Dump "Jane Eyre" now and read "A Tale of Two Cities". http://mashable.com/2012...
If you need tips on how to save money, I've got them. I got two @PapaJohns pizzas plus a two-liter for $5. http://twitter.com/ethansm...
If it takes you less than thirty minutes to take a shower, you're rushing too fast through the best part of the day.
Shut up, get a job, and buy your own turnips!
I want a job where I get paid to take road trips.
I kind of hate people in general right now.
Made people mad because I didn't do the dart game. My day has been made.
I DON'T WANT TO BE A TEACHER! SO STOP IT!
Why can't I turn off the sound for my phone camera?!
WHY DON'T PEOPLE USE EMAIL? IT'S SO EASY! HOW HARD IS IT TO JUST SEND ME A LITTLE NOTIFICATION? THAT'S ALL I'M ASKING FOR.
This bottle was full when I started eating. I need to go to rehab for my hot sauce addiction. http://twitter.com/ethansm...
Justin Bieber has his own nail polish line. One of the colors is called Canadian Star. Think of all the money he makes off of that.
Listening to As I Lay Dying while reading the book As I Lay Dying. They don't go together.
SofaSox are the new Snuggie.
I've been listening to the same song for four hours now. That's how good @hilltophoods are.
The Kings of Leon hiatus better not be permanent.
Wow UGA, you're going all out for the upcoming freshmen with the dog tags. http://twitter.com/ethansm...
You know what's worse than the stench of a month-old port-a-potty in the middle of July? The smell of nail polish.
WHY IS IT SO HARD TO JOIN A POLITICAL PARTY?
It's a lonely day for the only guy at the bar at P. F. Chang's.
I think that bald guy with glasses is haunting me.
At least Drexel University still loves me.
Someone needs to invent faster printers.
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