“Laughing at a testimonial that claims "number one rankings in Goole"... Search Engine Market Weighton-ing”

“Anyone know anyone who wants a web/SEO/SEM/project management/blogging/kinda-everything-y type marketing assistant job (in North London).”

“The only decent song Mick Hucknall has ever done? "My boomerang won't come back"”

“DIY tip #2. Why waste time rubbing down paintwork? Simply burn down your house and claim on the insurance. No drip marks and a nicer finish!”

“@ryanhavoc Imagine the Twitter-spam though... it'd be bonkers...”

“@ryanhavoc no”

“BBQ'd this week, chicken, sausage, makerel. And tomorrow... octopus! Please twitter anything that BBQs well, this may be a long summer!”

“Norman Hunter.. "This free kick needs a right footer.... or a left footer" ...”

“@imran_ali... I thought this was Yorkshire's most promising http://www.dotnorth.org/”

“Anyone watching Leeds tonight? I don't have Sky...”

“@offmessage... Thank you... I feel like I've done a big poo (or that I completely lost the blogging habit)”

“DIY lessons learned the hard way. Painting windows on a hot day, the paint thickens and suicidal ants join in.”

“Just laughed at my own geek joke. Scroll to bottom... snigger! http://tinyurl.com/6eghtm”

“Duck poo on the kitchen floor... cheeky eh?!”

“@simonwheatley That's what big fonts in the Terminal are for! I HAVE A RED HEAD! So be careful....”

“Sat in the sun working and got burned already. My arms are salmon striped... curse you 3G dongle!”

“@winjer I need to discuss software and ethics with you guys.”

“...nk MySQL will break”

“@offmessage I like the look of dbxml. Is the schema fluid? Are there a heap of python examples? I need a big database of IP numbers and th..”

“Love the idea of a database where the schema is fluid. My legs hurt from weeding and seeding but it feels good.”

“@winjer Is this like dbxml? I need to build a BIG database... http://tinyurl.com/68o26z”

“Making a "backup herb garden" in case the Tang Hall hoolie ducks and (dirty) pigeons eat all my veg.”

“@paul_robinson That sounds harder than giving up smoking :-)”

“@paul_robinson Having one doesn't make you a smoker. Now call Sophie http://www.sophienicholls.com (Disclaimer.. she's good!) :-)”

“@offmessage This is ridiculous. Boris was funny whilst he was busy being useless. A few moments silence for everyone who lives in the smoke”

“@winjer hahahahahahaha! @jjabez Where should I buy a brown envelope (big)?”

“Doing forensics on a very dodgy SEO company and wondering whether to "out" them or just stick to the blackmail option.”

“Might have to re-frame the veg patch as meat-producing duck/pigeon bait and get a gun.”