"It would be a shame to lose reverence for those gentle, maddening months after a child is born, when you are in a sleep-drained reverie, stitched to a baby's rhythms and sweet suckling; when you watch them unfurl, watch their eyes focus on the world, their lips curl into smiles, their startled limbs jerk and then grow strong. When you delight in the life you have created, it becomes a lot less important to get your own life back the very next day." http://rixarixa.blogspot.com/2009... - Robert Freeze

I didn't take maternity leave at all. I was working on my Treo when I was in labor and I did the same thing the day after the baby was born. I clearly am insane. - Tamar Weinberg

BUT when looking at that article and especially the last sentence (the one your quoted, Robert), it's true. I really am conflicted. On one hand, I want to just enjoy my baby boy. On the other, I'm a workaholic. - Tamar Weinberg

My daughter was not remotely easy as a newborn... there was little daytime sleeping to be had. Much of her awake time was filled with crying. And we didn't even get that honeymoon stage of a week or two of newborn quiet. I don't miss those days at all. It was around the 4 month mark that I started enjoying and appreciating her. Maybe somewhere a little after 3 months... but everything before that was just difficult. Is the nurturing during those months important? Of course... but I didn't enjoy it at all. But I felt so busy and overwhelmed, that I didn't miss work either. Maybe you are insane, Tamar. ;) - Jen (SquirrelGirl)

Tamar, but you're able to work at home, right? IIRC, you're not going to an office for 10+ hours a day and being away from your baby. I think there is a big difference between workaholic moms who work at home and have their baby with them versus those who put the baby in childcare and are away for the majority of the baby's waking hours. - Rochelle

I'd call those newborn months 'maddening' to me only because they were so dull. I work for my husband at home, I was working days after delivery, back in the field shooting 3 weeks after. If it wasn't for that, I probably would have died of boredom since all the kid & my husband did was sleep and eat. With my son, I was still working in the hospital, back in the field 3 days after I got out, pulling 14 - 18 hour work days. I think that if I worked outside the home, I would have gone back to work 2 weeks into maternity leave with my first and skipped it with my 2nd. - Anika

Maddening is a great word for it, Anika. - Jen (SquirrelGirl)

I didn't have a choice but to go back to work within a few weeks of my son being born. I had used up my unpaid leave for 10 weeks (my doctor made me quit working and put me on bedrest more than a month before the baby was due... then he was almost 2 weeks overdue which ate up more of my time). We were out of money and if I didn't go back I'd lose my job. Nursing was extremely painful and not a good experience for me, so I had to give up on it and deal with the huge amount of guilt that goes with doing that (after the La Leche League people get you you feel like a monster if you don't breast feed) and it wasn't exactly a bonding experience. We (my son and I) had a very rough few first months together which affected our relationship for years... I was exhausted, in pain, and couldn't get any sleep. No wonder I have no desire to have another infant and would rather adopt a kid already past potty training. I'm always envious of women who seem to really enjoy that stage and had a great experience and bond with their kid. Going back to work was actually a relief for several hours a day of not having to deal with that new stress. Wish it hadn't been that way... Maybe it would have been different if I'd had more support but it was just me and Tad and he was struggling too. - Her Lindsay-ness

My personal opinion on it is pretty extreme. I can't imagine not being here 24/7 with Audrey. We pretty much reformatted our life so that that can be a reality and waited to have kids until that was possible. It's my belief that it's one of the most critical times of development and 100% of my time and energy right now should be on Audrey. - Rochelle

As I man, all I can say is that I admire you all for what you do as mothers. I admire my wife also and do all I can to give her the chance to be with our children. Right now our roles are a bit reversed... she is working part time and I am home, "unemployed" but working like a crazy stay at home dad. My youngest is 10 months old now and I have been home for 8 of them; her first word was daddy and she gives me big hugs every morning when I take her out of her crib. When I leave she cries, and when I come back she gets all excited and exclaims, "Daddy!"... I love it. I will always cherish the time I have had with her and my other kids. - Robert Freeze

I would have liked to have that option too, but it just wasn't a choice... We didn't get to choose when to have our kid so there was no way to plan for it... We had no savings, we had no vacation time, we both worked for about 3x minimum wage at the time. I had no support from family members, my OBGYN retired 2 weeks before my baby was due (and I didn't like him anyway). So we did what we had to do. I wish it could have been different. I regret that it was a bad experience for me and not the best situation for the emotional development of my son. But, again, we did the best we could with the situation we had. - Her Lindsay-ness

Lindsay, yeah, I understand that. I think it's admirable that parents with less options still are able to have such awesome kids. :) Like I said, I have pretty extreme viewpoints on this and certainly understand and acknowledge that I'm likely in the minority on these kinds of issues. - Rochelle

I think it's frustrating that so few women have the option to spend enough time with their kids at that stage. If you're middle-class or lower income, and especially if you don't have support from others (or if you're a single parent, poor thing!!) then you probably don't have the option to stay home with the kid. Unless you've been planning it for a long time (ie, you're probably in your 30s) and can work out the finances, but if you're still in or just out of school then you probably don't have the choice but to work. And that being the case, many kids have "survived" that situation to become happy, well-adjusted people. Though the guilt factor for not being able to provide that 24/7 nurturing still weighs on the parents forever. It's not really fair to anyone involved. - Her Lindsay-ness

Rochelle, yeah, I do work from home, but at the same time, the mindset of being totally hands-on isn't there. I don't sleep at night or during the day. I probably shouldn't have gone to work the day after I gave birth... but I did. Really, the whole issue of feeling expendable is contributing to that. - Tamar Weinberg