Paul Force - FriendFeed

"For Sale: Parachute. Only used once, never opened, small stain."

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A diplomat is someone who can tell you to go to hell in such a way that you will look forward to the trip.

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"Genius does what it must, talent does what it can, and you had best do what you''re told."

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Everyone has a photographic memory. Some don''t have film.

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"Before they invented drawing boards, what did they go back to?"

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"Generally speaking, you aren''t learning much when your mouth is moving."

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How does Teflon stick to the pan?

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"I tried sniffing Coke once, but the ice cubes got stuck in my nose."

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The only substitute for good manners is fast reflexes.

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Support the right to arm bears.

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People are more violently opposed to fur than leather because it's safer to harass rich women than motorcycle gangs.

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If Mama Cass had given Karen Carpenter half of that ham sandwich they would both be alive today.

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I feel like I'm diagonally parked in a parallel universe

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Never hit a man with glasses. Hit him with a baseball bat.

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Minds are like parachutes; they only work when they are open.

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Life is like a sled dog team: if you ain't the lead dog, the scenery never changes.

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Never meddle in the affairs of Wizards: it makes them soggy and hard to light.

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The New York state bird should be the mosquito.

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I wanted to go the Paranoids Anonymous meeting, but they wouldn't tell me where it was.

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I'm as confused as a baby in a topless bar!

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Little green robots are better than half eaten fruit...

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"I read something the other day that made me piss myself.It was a sign that said ""Toilets closed"""

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Some drink at the fountain of knowledge. Others just gargle.

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"When there''s a will, I want to be in it."

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You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say will be misquoted then used against you

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"I read an articles last week about how bad drinking is for you. So naturally, I gave up reading."