funnyfungus

The day before Christmas Eve, 2 days before Christmas. Stay away from the malls on Christmas Eve Eve. Today is Christmas Eve Eve. - funnyfungus

fear of too many santa clauses He felt a bout of santaclaustrophobia coming upon him as the holiday season approached. - funnyfungus

A person who adds their name to a gift tag in order to claim partial credit for giving the gift. I'm totally broke so I had to be a gift parasite and sign on that present you're giving Grandma. - funnyfungus

Someone who continues to subject themselves to Christmas activities -- Secret Santa, carolling, etc. -- despite feeling painfully awkward at the event. Ryan's uncomfortable laughter at the Secret Santa Pot Luck indicated he was an Christmasochist. - funnyfungus

The primary holiday celebrated in capitalist cultures. Generally observed around the winter solstice, Cashmas is a celebration of materialism in which its celebrants attempt to flatter or impress relatives, friends, and acquaintances with the extent of their purchasing power. (The "power to get".) Cashmas co-opts signs, symbols, and sympathies from other religious holidays of the winter season to mask its foundation of conspicuous consumption. In the United States, where the holiday is most actively observed, Cashmas traditionally begins on "Black Friday", that is, the day following Thanksgiving Thursday in November. Holiday observations traditionally end on January 2nd, but may arguably be said to extend through "Super Bowl Sunday" of professional American football. This event can occur as late as the month of February. Also "$mas". Jodi spent 14 hours at the mall in celebration of Cashmas. - funnyfungus

A phrase popular among first year Latin students, the phrase means "always wear underwear." The literal translation is "always where under where." Pope: Hey...did you hear what those American's said? Cardinals, yanwing: No, holiness. Pope: Semper Ubi Sub Ubi. Cardinals: Semper...always where under where...underwear! Ha, you've gotten us again holiness. You god damn trickster! - funnyfungus

A seemingly generous present that will benefit the giver as much as the receiver. On an old Chipmunks Christmas album, Alvin, Simon, and Theodore give Dave a gift. He's overwhelmed with their generosity until he discovers it's an empty bag, which the Chipmunks say is for him to fill with presents and give back to them. My friend gave me such a Chipmunk gift this year. She bought me a CD by HER favorite group and then asked to copy it because she's too cheap to buy her own CD AND a present for me. That back bedroom at my mom's house is freezing! I hate staying there when we visit. Is it too much of a Chipmunk gift if I buy her a space heater for Christmas? My husband took me to the Monster Truck Expo for my birthday. Jeez, what a Chipmunk gift. What was he thinking? - funnyfungus

When traffic is backed up for miles on a highway, crawling along -- and then suddenly everyone returns to normal high speeds without passing an accident, stalled car, or road construction. We spent 45 minutes bumper-to-bumper for no reason?!? It must be immaculate congestion. - funnyfungus

noun: a pornographic Christmas ornament. Somehow, Rodney's Christmas tree, decked out in garish purple lights and Mrs. Santa pornaments, failed to convey the solemnity and dignity of this holiest of days. - funnyfungus

the act of being so angry at someone that you find the item they cherish most and beat them with it. Chris was so tiger's wife mad at Joe that he grabbed Joe's Wii remote and beat him with it. - funnyfungus

The feeling of being overworked, underappreciated and like you don't exist to others during the holidays while in actuality the season's success depends on you. The sense of being 3 feet small when others would view you in high stature if they realized all you do to make the holiday's happen. I think Hermey is having some elf-esteem issues. He's pulling the stuffing out of all the teddy bears. - funnyfungus

Something that could have been told in a more concise way but is dragged out because the teller doesn't know how to tell a story. It's a play on the annoying clarifier, "Long story short," people use to sum up a digression, which really never seems to be that short anyway. So instead you say the opposite. So I was walking into the store the other day, I wanted to get some aspirin because I had this massive headache and I walked down aisle four but they only had Tylenol but that doesn't work and I went to the counter and short story long this guy was holding up the store! - funnyfungus

A bank or pile of snow during the colder months of winter, where food or beverage products (namely soda and beer) can be stored. Great for parties. "Are we out of Molson Canadian?" "There's plenty in the Canadian refrigerator." - funnyfungus

When the windshield wipers on your car sync up with the music on your car radio. Oh snap! Check out the wiper beat! That song is way sicker with that hotness! - funnyfungus

A site where users attempt to mock and explain everyone and thing in life, under the guise of cynical quasi-intellectualism. It should be both noted and ignored, embraced and dismissed, laughed at and revered. Urban Dictionary shows us we're all just a type, no matter how hard we try to escape or deny it. - funnyfungus

A friendly and common greeting in snowboarder language. Simon: dude, watch where your riding! Ray: Sorry dude - funnyfungus

The point in a romantic relationship when pictures of the couple begin to appear on Facebook, and or when the relationship status changes to "In a relationship". "It looks like Kat has made it to Face base with that new guy." "Yeah his picture is all over her profile now." - funnyfungus

The lazy, low-commitment version of the booty call booty text from 555-5555 What are you doing? Wanna come over and sleep in my bed? - funnyfungus

(verb)- to drop in a photo unexpectedly...to hop in a picture right before it is taken. sarah: hey why is jimmy in the background of our prom picture? ryan: idk, he must have photobombed it at the last second. - funnyfungus

n. The person that is on the receiving side of a one way conversation. I couldn't get a word in edgewise. She kept talking to me about her shoes, purse, and how her best friend just got dumped. I am a word receptacle. - funnyfungus

When a manager comes whizzing through the cubicles to see if you need anything from him/her without stopping to listen to your answer. Way for manager to know what his/her people are doing. Every morning Sherwin swings by our area to say hi and pulls a management by driveby. - funnyfungus

A large gift a man gives to his wife to appease her after he's had an affair. After sleeping with another women, Kobe Bryant bought his wife a ring that cost as much as a large house. Tiger: “I have to run to Zales to get a Kobe Special." Friend: "What's that?" Tiger: "A house on a finger." - funnyfungus

When someone cuts themselves off from the world by not logging on to Facebook or checking their cell phones. Usually occurs after a breakup or a rough work week. Derived from the cell phone setting of the same name in which incoming messages or phone calls cannot be received. "Dan won't answer your calls. He's in airplane mode." "Sarah went into airplane mode for three days after Charlie dumped her." - funnyfungus

The extra little bit of weight you put on during a period of being on holiday or vacation. Man, when I get back to work I'll have to start going to the gym again- I've put on some serious holiday pounds - funnyfungus

An unintentional beard started over the 4 day Thanksgiving weekend, where you're too lazy to shave it off monday morning. Usually continues until Christmas or New Year's Day. Also known as a Holiday Beard Boss: You look like you haven't shaved in days. That's unprofessional. Employee: Sir, that's my Thanksgiving beard. It's my way of honoring our forefathers. Boss: Oh, I didn't realize that. Maybe I'll grow one too. - funnyfungus

Adj. 1) A description of a recipe that should not exist for religious reasons, but tastes good anyway. 2) Any cooking done with communion wafers. Try some Matzo crackers and bacon dip - it's sacrelicious. - funnyfungus

a person who can't stop spending money at the mall Guy #1: Whoa, that girl has like 50 shopping bags! Guy #2: She's a shopaholic. - funnyfungus

Mininova, один из крупнейших торрент-порталов в мире, убрала с сайта все загруженные пользователями торренты и отключила возможность их загрузки. Администрация портала объясняет, что подчинилась решению суда. Разобрав спор Mininova с голландским агентством по защите авторских прав, судья решил, что сам сайт, хотя и не нарушает закон, провоцирует на это пользователей. Он обязал Mininova удалить все [...] - funnyfungus

Farting after eating turkey. I let out out a massive turkey bark after Thanksgiving dinner. - funnyfungus