funnyfungus

A game of chance to decide which person pays for a restaurant meal. Every party contributes a credit/debit card into a hat and the waiter/waitress removes one card at time. The last card removed pays the entire bill. We played credit card roulette at breakfast and DJ's card was the last one picked. He had to pick up the 200 dollar tab and since he is unemployed the California taxpayers provided the meal. - funnyfungus

the easiest way to end an argument when your opponent relays their intentions to do something that you do not agree with. (online or in text msg, etc) "I have to go shopping" 'I shop online, you must have tons of time on your hands. it's Christmas and the stores are packed!' "The traffic here is fine." 'I thought it was snowing there.' "I have snow tires! duh." 'You know, there are websites that sell things much cheaper.' "But there is a sale going on at my favorite place!" 'fine. let me know how that works out for you.' Best way to diffuse (yep, this is trolling!): "U mad?" - funnyfungus

A Pointless and worthless day invented by Hersheys Confectionary Co and Joining forces with Teleflora Florists and Corbans Wine Makers just so they can profit out of Wine, Cholocates and Flowers, while single people suffer at the clutches of the hands of this evil and corrupt capitalist-orientated day that is not even a fucking holiday period. Valentines Day should be banned and all those celebrating it shot. - funnyfungus

The way in which a douchebag would go about introducing his/herself. Bragging about their meaningless accomplishments in an attempt to impress you. Chris: Watch this, John's about to introdouche himself to Carol. John (Speaking to Carol) : "Nice to meet you, John's the name. Nice rack. Think I met you one time at the bowling party. I won three times." Carol: "Thanks for introdouching yourself." - funnyfungus

The male version of the fashionista. A man who loves fashion. Yo' check out that fashionmista - he's working it big time! - funnyfungus

A more dignified way to say "Shit Yeah!" so you don't sound uneducated in the presence of others. "Excuse me, fine sir, but would you perhaps like a spot of tea?" "Oh, defecately, that would please me so." - funnyfungus

The act of going to the toilet when you don't really need to, to make sure you don't need to go later. Usually conducted prior to long car journeys or departure from drinking establishments. Her:"lets leave this pub before your too drunk to leave" Him:"OK, but I need to take an insurance piss first" - funnyfungus

when a really hot chick has trouble getting dates because guys all assume she already has a boyfriend and are scared to approach her.... Inspired by the Jackson Browne song "Somebody's Baby" Can you believe Jennifer didn't have a date for the prom? She must be suffering from somebody's girl syndrome. - funnyfungus

1. The formal union of two people who are of the same gender in a consensual relationship, typically recognized by society. Also described as same-sex marriage and gay marriage. The two men had been seeing each other for 5 years and engaged for 9 months before they decided to make their relationship permanent by garriage. The gay couple invited all their friends to celebrate the couple's garriage ceremony. The two women exchanged loving vows during their garriage ceremony. - funnyfungus

By the use of this phrase to open or close a statement, the user acquires or asserts a pleasant, folksy authority. Sometimes paired with "boy" for added authority and folksiness (see example). Frequent famous users include Cris Collinsworth and Hank Hill. "Boy, that was a heck of a down field block by Michael Vick, I tell you what." "I tell you what, the Seattle Seahawks came here to play tonight." - funnyfungus

A generic term for any form of sport involving a ball, and especially those with "ball" in their name. Often derogatory. Hey, I was hoping to hang out with Jared today, but he would rather watch his silly sportsball on TV. - funnyfungus

A raucous bowel movement experienced the day after the Super Bowl due to consumption of large amounts of chili, hot wings, and beer. Dave, I had a Super Bowel this morning... no more buffalo wing hot sauce for me. - funnyfungus

While using urinal and the piss splashes back at you or the guy standing next to you. Damn bro, here I am at this wedding looking all nice, and I just committed peehicular manslaughter on these nice ass slacks. - funnyfungus

This is a phrase that hails from the heart of Georgia. It is used to describe something that is so obvious. Davi - Are we going to get Chimichangas Gus - Is a frogs ass water tight. - funnyfungus

When you are invited to a party or event and don't really feel like going, but you feel some sort of obligation to attend. Like peer pressure, but related specifically to going to a party. Yeah, I don't really feel like going to John's party, I'm sooooo tired... but I told everyone I would be there, so I'll probably surrender to party pressure. - funnyfungus

Making a nice (fake) gesture for someone when you don't really mean it, hoping that the person who you are making that gesture to won't actually as you for a favor, or follow up on that offer you made. You just say it to seem like a nice person. This phrase is used in Curb Your Enthusiasm. Larry David: Well, If there is anything I can do, let me know. Marty Funkhouser: You know what, there is something you can do. Larry David: What, are you kidding? Marty Funkhouser: What, you didn't mean it? Larry David: Of course not! Marty Funkhouser: Well why did you say it then? Larry David: You know, it's an empty gesture; something to say! Larry David (saying to Jeff Greene): Don't make an empty gesture to a Funkhouser, they'll take you up on it! - funnyfungus

It's the finger(s) you purposely keep clean when you eat something messy so you could operate your touchscreen smartphone/tablet/GPS without making the screen look like your plate. These ribs are delicious and messy, but I have to keep my pinky clean cause its my iFinger. - funnyfungus

Lying on the back, waving your arms and legs to form the impression of an angel, in a pile of trash. Typically performed by drunks in New York Vanessa's night ended when she fell over the pile of garbage on the curb and performed trash angels in the street til the cab arrived. - funnyfungus

A person on the high school yearbook staff that is capable of rigging the 'best of' yearbook content. Duder 1: "How the fuck did you win best eyes? I have way better eyes than you do!" Duder 2: "Dude you know my girl is on the yearbook staff. Hella rigged them shits." Duder 1: "That bitch is your yearbook insider? Damn, I demand a recount." - funnyfungus

When one’s economic situation has become so tenuous that their entire net worth is in the pockets of their jeans. “Sorry, bro, can’t go drinking tonight, the wife raided my 501k.” - funnyfungus

Petri Douche: A place/location where a lot of douchebags are known to congregate. A place that attracts and seemingly breeds chavs/douchebags/jackwagons/etc etc. Oh hell no I'm not going to Wetherspoons, that place is a petri douche! Or: urgh why would you want to go to Las Vegas, that place is such a petri douche. - funnyfungus

A phrase that represents ones complete and total disregard of another's negative comment towards the original person. *Guy 1 is walking down the street and passes Guy 2* Guy 2: Why are you so ugly? Guy 1: Haters Gonna Hate. *Keeps on walking* Dude 1: Hey Fatty! Dude 2: Haters Gonna Hate - funnyfungus

opposite of eye candy, someone unappealing to look at (how i met your mother) marshall's ex-assistant barney: "so, who's the eye broccoli?" marshall: "my new assistant" - funnyfungus

Art of “throwing” one's farts in such a way that the sound and/or smell seems to come from a source other than the farter. A person who practices the art is called an ventriloquist. "Trey,I was in the middle of the room when all of a sudeen I smelled a nasty fart" "Dude, sorry, was doing my fartriloquism act, I was aiming for Anthony." - funnyfungus

A euphemism describing a relationship in which one or more participates are cheating. Dude, I heard your girlfriend slept with John, why are you still with her? Nah, it's cool, we're in an open relationship. - funnyfungus

To loosely read or breeze through a document, likely missing a fair amount of the information contained within. How tough will the upgrade be? I'm not too sure, I only gave the guide a Congressional Review. - funnyfungus

Your position, the place you are Johnny,i'm going to the party , what's your 20? My 20 is Baker Street. - funnyfungus

To use hate and bigotry to spread a political message. Named after Republican presidential candidate Rick Perry's infamous video/ad of the same name. Rick Perry lover: If we want to fix our economy, we need to stop giving welfare to the minority races. Normal guy: Oh no he's gone Rick Perry Strong! Quick let's get him to a psychiatrist before he starts talking about making his religion and homophobia mandatory. - funnyfungus

The shittiest piece of legislation the U.S. government ever came up with. uhm, whats that internet thing again? is that what all the kiddies are stealing music with? we better fix that... don't let the internet take a SOPA to the knee. - funnyfungus

The one-up rivalry that moms play making their child seem better, smarter, and/ or more advanced than yours. May involve two or more moms and any number of children, even full-grown. She engaged me in mompetition insisting her son walked at 6 months and implying my son was slow for his age. - funnyfungus