Gorgeous Tiny Chicken Machine Show

So disappointed in the Grammys. I thought they said GRANNIES!! #Grammys #Grannies #Similar #Words

1 hour ago from Twitter - Comment - Like - Share

I think I really screwed up my ankle on #NutKickSaturday

6 hours ago from Twitter - Comment - Like - Share

RT @feliciaday: My friend Eanan (who is Irish and works on @theguild) composed a song for Eurovision thingie! http://www.youtube.com/watch... GL dude!

RT @feliciaday: My friend Eanan (who is Irish and works on @theguild) composed a song for Eurovision thingie! http://t.co/ACK6fI4C GL dude!

21 hours ago from Twitter - Comment - Like - Share

God I HATE that! RT @EdiHasAUnicorn: Man, it's like erywhere I go I'm havin to fight a hot military pirate... http://twitter.com/EdiHasA...

yesterday from Twitter - Comment - Like - Share

I wish more people tweeted facts about Esai Morales. #EsaiMoralesFacts

yesterday from Twitter - Comment - Like - Share

Wow, it kinda surprised me who responded to #NutKickSaturday http://twitter.com/mediocr...

yesterday from Twitter - Comment - Like - Share

It's Nut Kick Saturday! First 20 guys to respond get a FREE kick in the nuts! #NutKickSaturday

yesterday from Twitter - Comment - Like - Share

Just finished shooting my Valentine's Day video "How Many Fig Newtons Can I Fit Into My Cat's Asshole."

Friday from Twitter - Comment - Like - Share

RT @theguild: We're looking for EDITING interns! Please email guildinterns at gmail dot com. Include resume & links to stuff you've cut! Must be LA local.

Friday from Twitter - Comment - Like - Share

"Take another little pizza, my heart." -what Janis Joplin sang every time she ate pizza (Someone please Photoshop an image of this event.)

Friday from Twitter - Comment - Like - Share

I think my favorite member of The Black Keys is Alicia.

Friday from Twitter - Comment - Like - Share

It's 7:25am in Los Angeles. Anybody got any ideas?

Friday from Twitter - Comment - Like - Share

RT @jasonhillhouse: It's funny when stupid people use words.

Friday from Twitter - Comment - Like - Share

Hi John! Just wanted to shout out to John!!! (This applies to anyone named John following me.)

Thursday from Twitter - Comment - Like - Share

I wonder where George Wendt.

Thursday from Twitter - Comment - Like - Share

Apparently I said this in my sleep last night: RT @mediocrefilms: "Did you just eat my toast? That's insane! You totally ate my toast!"

Thursday from Twitter - Comment - Like - Share

"Did you just eat my toast? That's insane! You totally ate my toast!" - @kimevey talking in her sleep last night

Thursday from Twitter - Comment - Like - Share

You will NEVER guess who the driver is in this week's Retarded Policeman episode!!! http://www.youtube.com/watch...

You will NEVER guess who the driver is in this week's Retarded Policeman episode!!! http://t.co/t9igFKqM

Thursday from Twitter - Comment - Like - Share

There are too many magazines.

Wednesday from Twitter - Comment - Like - Share

RT @BenBlacker: Don't forget! Sunday's Nerdist Writers Panel w @MoTancharoen @jedwhedon @Tambone & more TBA: http://www.nerdmeltla.com/tickets...

Wednesday from Twitter - Comment - Like - Share

Sure, kittens are cute. But I still don't want to have sex with them.

February 7 from Twitter - Comment - Like - Share

Had a horrible two hour nightmare last night that I died from extreme boredom. Oh no, wait. It was just "Tinker Tailor Soldier Spy."

February 7 from Twitter - Comment - Like - Share

Started watching "Tinker Tailor Soldier Spy" two weeks ago and it STILL ISN'T OVER.

February 7 from Twitter - Comment - Like - Share

RT @JoshFlaum: Looking to create an iPhone/Android app. Any engineers/programmers/strategies, please let me know. You are the best ones!

February 6 from Twitter - Comment - Like - Share

YOU GUYS FREE FROZEN YOGURT AT YOGURTLAND RIGHT NOW!!!

February 6 from Twitter - Comment - Like - Share

"It hurt my feelings when I wasn't invited to your baby shower." -No Man, Ever.

February 6 from Twitter - Comment - Like - Share

Some people don't think I give a shit but I just gave one.

February 6 from Twitter - Comment - Like - Share

Hey, nobody say anything about who won the #SuperBowl -- I probably won't have time to watch the last quarter for a couple years.

February 5 from Twitter - Comment - Like - Share

Congrats to Madonna. She has now joined Mickey Rooney, James Belushi & Elvis impersonator Elvis Presto as #SuperBowl halftime performers.

February 5 from Twitter - Comment - Like - Share

Too impatient to wait for the #SuperBowl? See the TOP 10 FUNNIEST SUPER BOWL 2012 ADS right NOW!! http://www.youtube.com/watch...

Too impatient to wait for the #SuperBowl? See the TOP 10 FUNNIEST SUPER BOWL 2012 ADS right NOW!! http://t.co/nMNC46hO

February 5 from Twitter - Comment - Like - Share