An old lady talked to me in line at Wal*Mart and somehow conned me into giving her my email and phone number for some kind of pyramid scheme she’s involved in. Let me dissect that: An old lady attempted communication with me and succeeded, violating my Never Talk To Strangers policy. Mind control? Extreme Suggestibility Spray? She asked if I... - http://jacobmartinez.org/post...
Liz: Come on, Nick, let's go! Me: He's not coming, he's doing something with [PERSON OF INTEREST]. Liz: FUUUUUUU— Me: You can't get in the way of that, Liz, it's love. Liz: It's not love it's one-sided affection. Me: Yeah, that's what love is. . . - http://jacobmartinez.org/post...
I played so much ping pong today and I dominated the entire time. I’ve beaten three strangers in two days. None of my friends or I had heard from someone we knew since the 17th which was really odd and I was starting to worry but it turns out he’s ok. I couldn’t sleep last night so I stayed up and finished Criminal Minds: Suspect Behavior. The... - http://jacobmartinez.org/post...
I bet judges say “I’ll be the judge of that!” a lot. The first kiss was easy. The second kiss… the second kiss was something different entirely. - http://jacobmartinez.org/post...
The man asked me what kind of sauce I wanted with my chicken nuggets and I froze up and said barbecue when really I should have said ranch. I really wanted ranch. Saffron is actually the most expensive thing on earth. Stellar.io is not going to go anywhere. You guys can trust me on this one. The entire concept of shaving is so weird to me. I... - http://jacobmartinez.org/post...
My zarda came out way too sweet and I made enough for like 4 people accidentally. Saffron is cool though, they package them like metroids. - http://jacobmartinez.org/post...
I didn’t go to my cousin’s funeral because I had nothing to wear. For some reason I have no black slacks. Every time I buy slacks my weight changes such that I only get to wear them once and then I can never fit in them again. I miss 2 years ago. It’s not raining so I think I’m going to run to the store to get some ingredients I need to make... - http://jacobmartinez.org/post...