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The only thing you should ever be afraid of is other people.
I'm working all day tomorrow and it's going to suck.
Why save my money for the future when I can buy an ice cream every day in the present?
Richard Nixon had the best resignation letter of all time. I've made it a template for my own two-weeks notices.
@paigelikeapage I thought I've been talking to a semi-famous christian pop singer/cancer survivor this whole time. Oh well.
@paigelikeapage Are you sure that isn't you?
Things the pretender pretended to be in the fourth episode of The Pretender (in order) - http://tumbl.me/post/235555398
They call me Neanderthalensis because we're so similar it's outrageous! Damn, I'm on a roll.
My tombstone will also have perfect hair.
Jacob hasn't eaten for a thousand years.
I buy all my products from http://www.skullsunlimited.com ! My preferred skull importer.
Astralopithecus was one ugly genus, amirite? Where my Homo sapiens at?
They call me Climate Control 'cause I'm cool year-round.
Interesting fact, all the real human skulls you can buy online are from chinese people. Because China has no human rights.
They call me Bacchus 'cause the frenzy I induce is something that rhymes with bacchus.
People know I'm nerdy because I constantly exclaim how nerdy I am at every occasion and in every medium.
Holy smokes, the last episode of Flashforward was intense.
Jacob is at your funeral.
How to play piano like Philip Glass - http://www.youtube.com/watch...
How to play piano like Philip Glass
Play
Working late today, til 2pm.
I can't believe how handsome I am sometimes.
When I went into the room, I told the man that a lady would like to see him, to which he simply answered, ‘Why?’ - http://tumbl.me/post/234364154
[THIS STATUS INTENTIONALLY LEFT BLANK].
This is a trick question; find me a person that is alone but not on their phone. - http://tumbl.me/post/234113241
This is a trick question; find me a person that is alone but not on their phone. - http://tumbl.me/post/234113311
Title of my first single: This Marroush Ain't Got No Soul
I am becoming ever increasingly attracted to Indians.
My dad and I both have a crazily pronounced sagittal keel.
The thing I try to defy most is human nature.
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