Jere Keys - FriendFeed

I need a dog or a boyfriend to cuddle with when I get mildly sick.

March 1 from Twitter - Comment - Like - Share

Ugh. This guy on #TheCycle is for real? Like, we're letting someone pretend exorcism is a real thing on a cable news show?

March 1 from Twitter - Comment - Like - Share

RT @Jesus_M_Christ: No pope means the Church can't punish you for any sins you commit. Go crazy!

February 28 from Twitter - Comment - Like - Share

Cutting out of work and going to happy hour would be the height of irresponsibility, right?

February 27 from Twitter - Comment - Like - Share

Did K Cheno just sing a Tom Cruise is short joke at someone? Really, 4'11"?

February 24 from Twitter - Comment - Like - Share

I haven't enjoyed a Tarantino flick since Pulp Fiction, but I understand that I am decidedly not his target audience.

February 24 from Twitter - Comment - Like - Share

Does Quentin Tarantino ever not sound like he just sniffed a line of coke off a stripper's ass?

February 24 from Twitter - Comment - Like - Share

Norah Jones! Do you think Beyonce is at home seething about a missed opportunity to show up all the ladies at the Oscars?

February 24 from Twitter - Comment - Like - Share

The Oscars just keep rolling out the Divas with Queen Latifa, Ms. Zeta-Jones, Ms. Zellweger and Madame Gere.

February 24 from Twitter - Comment - Like - Share

Fuck. Sexist and racist in the same joke? Come on, Seth, making fun of her accent is just lazy comedy.

February 24 from Twitter - Comment - Like - Share

Fuck. Sexist and racist in the same joke? Come on, Seth, making fun of Cruz's accent is just lazy comedy.

February 24 from Twitter - Comment - Like - Share

Awards nights and political events when I get tweet happy usually means a drop of 5-10 followers. lol #4downtonight

February 24 from Twitter - Comment - Like - Share

She should thank Batman. That would be cool.

February 24 from Twitter - Comment - Like - Share

Okay, but when does Beyonce sing? (Doesn't she have to sing at every major televised event now?)

February 24 from Twitter - Comment - Like - Share

World, witness the the place where Samantha Barks' stomach out to be. #SoSkinny

February 24 from Twitter - Comment - Like - Share

The Oscars are all like, follow that Tony Awards!

February 24 from Twitter - Comment - Like - Share

Now bring out Julie Andrews for The Sound of Music (Best Picture 1965)!

February 24 from Twitter - Comment - Like - Share

I can't tell who the Oscars are trying to appeal to this year. Serious film watchers, horny 14-year-old boys, or the nostalgic elderly?

February 24 from Twitter - Comment - Like - Share

I bet they would have time for acceptance speeches if Seth McFarlane hadn't done a 20 minute opening.

February 24 from Twitter - Comment - Like - Share

KCheno and Queen Latifa standing side-by-side... Cheno is like the size of one of QL's tits.

February 24 from Twitter - Comment - Like - Share

I just saw a large woman running down the street with a bucket of KFC in Harlem. I did not yell "run, Precious, run!"

February 22 from Twitter - Comment - Like - Share

This day needs more vodka, please.

February 22 from Twitter - Comment - Like - Share

I just need a job working for LGBT rights that doesn't involve me standing on a corner with a clipboard soliciting HRC donations.

February 21 from Twitter - Comment - Like - Share

And when I confronted her, she copped an attitude like I was the one being unreasonable because she gave me one of her trash bags. #MURDER

February 18 from Twitter - Comment - Like - Share

And she hogging the dryers in a way that takes twice as long - constantly opening the doors and checking what's going on. #HATE

February 18 from Twitter - Comment - Like - Share

This woman in my building took all my wet clothes out of the washer and stuck them in garbage bags. Now she's hogging the dryers. #KILL

February 18 from Twitter - Comment - Like - Share

Why is it news that Obama golfed w/ Tiger Woods? He's met several Republican Congressmen, he knows a thing or 2 about shameless adulterers.

February 17 from Twitter - Comment - Like - Share

RT @_FloridaMan: Florida Man Mistakes Girlfriend For Hog, Shoots Her | http://news.yahoo.com/blogs...

February 13 from Twitter - Comment - Like - Share

The underlying theme of Obama's speech has been urging Congress to do its fucking job on governing the country. #SOTU

February 12 from Twitter - Comment - Like - Share

Obama hasn't once mentioned forcing rape victims to have their rapists' babies. Oh, that's right, he's not actually a Republican. #SOTU

February 12 from Twitter - Comment - Like - Share