"I am a 47-year-old woman whose commitment to monogamy, at the very end, came unglued. This turn of events was a surprise. I don’t generally even enjoy men; I had an entirely manageable life and planned to go to my grave taking with me, as I do most nights to my bed, a glass of merlot and a good book. Cataclysmically changed, I disclosed everything. We cried, we rent our hair, we bewailed the fate of our children. And yet at the end of the day—literally during a five o’clock counseling appointment, as the golden late-afternoon sunlight spilled over the wall of Balinese masks—when given the final choice by our longtime family therapist, who stands in as our shaman, mother, or priest, I realized … no." - Jim Norris from Bookmarklet

Here's the problem :) "My domestic evenings have typically revolved around five o’clock mac and cheese under bright lighting and then a slow melt into dishes and SpongeBob … because yet another of my marital failings was that I was never able to commit to a nanny. Even though my husband and I both drew full-time incomes, I, as a writer, worked at home and hence was ambivalent, because if I had daily in-house help, what was my role as a mother? Would I be emotionally displaced? Also, I secretly worried that using domestic help was exploitative—recall Barbara Ehrenreich’s dictum that she’d never let another woman scrub her toilets. Yea, these are the various postfeminist hurdles that stretched before me at 2:00 a.m. as I lay awake in our bed, contorted not just by cats but by two children kicking me from both sides—Exhibit A of lazy, undisciplined attachment parenting." - Paul Buchheit

It's also amusing to me that neurotransmitters have now replaced astrological signs as the psudeo-scientific personality types (page 4). - Paul Buchheit

paul, what exactly is lazy, undisciplined attachment parenting and what's the alternative? - ௸ (k2g)

"The harm comes, Cherlin argues, from parents continually coupling with new partners, so that the children are forced to bond, or compete for attention, with ever-new actors. These are the youngsters who are likely to suffer, according to a measurable matrix of factors such as truancy, disobedience in school, and teen pregnancy. Instead of preaching marriage, Cherlin says, we should preach domestic stability for children. Is marriage the best way to ensure this? Apparently not, at least not the way we do it in America." - Clare Dibble

Marriage is for the kids. Stay married, have affairs. - isaac

k2g, I was referring to the no nanny and "secretly worried that using domestic help was exploitative—recall Barbara Ehrenreich’s dictum that she’d never let another woman scrub her toilets" part -- that old-timey feminism is crazy. Having your kids sleep with your is also a mistake though, in my opinion. - Paul Buchheit

makes sense! thx for explaining :) - ௸ (k2g)

What's wrong with having your kids sleep with you? I think that's what families have been doing for many millenia before people were able to afford separate beds for children. - Gabe

I remember thinking when I learned of Ehrenreich's dictum that it didn't make sense at all--it was just a privileged woman coming up with an excuse to judge other women negatively. She's neither in the position of a woman needing household help, nor in the position of a woman *honestly* needing a job (not posing as one, as Ehrenreich did for _nickel and dimed_) who may be perfectly happy to clean houses. Does Ehrenreich think that janitors shouldn't exist either? What's so special about cleaning houses? All the people involved are women, so I don't see this as feminist at all. - Ruchira S. Datta

I wonder what Ehrenreich intends to do if she develops knee and back problems and physically cannot scrub toilets. - Ruchira S. Datta

Gabe, it's not "wrong" -- I just think it's a mistake. It's nice to have some space from the kids, and in practice I think they get better at dealing on their own if there isn't a parent there to give attention every time they fuss a bit. I also found it very difficult to sleep as deeply if I knew there was a baby there, because I kept worrying that it might be getting smothered, etc. - Paul Buchheit

Kim Rosen is fantastic! the article content is not nice! - Geer

Ruchira, I agree with you. - Anne Bouey

@Paul it's like when people toss out the word "quantum mechanics" heh - Rudolf Olah