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Joel Postman

Joel Postman

It says "Change Picture." I'd love to do that, but that's how I look.
"We're experiencing an unusually high volume of calls" = "We have 3 people in customer service. We're cheap and don't want to help you."
I hate giving money to panhandlers. They'll just spend it on Chipotle. I'd rather make sure they're getting drugs or alcohol.
You Brought Her Here, YOU Grove Her #RejectedMuppets @midnight
Persistent Itchiness Monster #RejectedMuppets @midnight
Danny the Ruptured Pancreas #RejectedMuppets @midnight
I tried to swipe left before I realized I was taking a selfie.
Burt Convey and Ernie Banks #RejectedMuppets @midnight
Dr. Bunsen Honeydew Menow #RejectedMuppets @midnight
The Swedish Horse Meatball Chef #RejectedMuppets @midnight
Is everybody as shocked as I am that America's best and brightest keep blowing the puzzle on Wheel of Fortune?
"It's OK. We're engaged!" "Well disengage and get back to work."
Does my butt make these yoga pants look big?
"Explain it so your mom understands it." Really? My mom is a lot smarter than your VP of marketing.
Don't let your life story be an unpublished draft.
A lot of guys claim to have an iPhone 6 when they really only have an iPhone 4.
RT @queenofmetrics: RT @acarvin #FAIL @TheAtlantic using Reuters pic of Muslim women watching eclipse & suggesting they're ISIS fan girls https://twitter.com/acarvin...
For those who just can't get enough of the scent of Axe Body Spray, it now comes in Extra Strength Intravenous.
Got a progress report from my kid's middle school. A's in Firearms and Ballistics, but she's not applying herself in Hostage Negotiations.
Respect to all my Twitter friends who have served this country. #VeteransDay
RT @wearesocial: Digital to overtake TV ad spend, FB newsfeed limits, More snapchat ads, Hyundai's vines, #FreePints http://wearesocial.net/blog...
I wish Taylor Swift would just leave me alone.
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