KarlPilkingtonQuotes

I don't think we should keep burying people. We're going to run out of holes.

Monday from Twitter - Comment - Like - Share

Don't be lookin' back at past lives.

Monday from Twitter - Comment - Like - Share

All I'm sayin' is it's human nature to have a quick look, have a quick glance, see what's goin' on.

March 6 from Twitter - Comment - Like - Share

It's grim, innit, though, Russia. The pictures you see [of Russia] on the telly is people queuing for spuds an' stuff like that.

March 6 from Twitter - Comment - Like - Share

If you go to Argentina and have a steak, you can wake up with breasts.

March 6 from Twitter - Comment - Like - Share

We're not being left to grow. There's more of it happening, especially in China. The amount of kids with four legs.

March 6 from Twitter - Comment - Like - Share

Happiness is like a cake. Have too much of it, you get sick of it.

March 6 from Twitter - Comment - Like - Share

Slugs. I don't see 'em doin' anythin'. What do they do for the world?

March 6 from Twitter - Comment - Like - Share

If I jump from the bottom bar, is that ok? Does that count as a land dive?

March 5 from Twitter - Comment - Like - Share

If your brain was in your foot it'd take ages for you to say anything.

March 5 from Twitter - Comment - Like - Share

I don't need any milk. Don't give me milk. I'll have a crumpet.

March 5 from Twitter - Comment - Like - Share

It would be spiteful to put jellyfish in a trifle.

March 5 from Twitter - Comment - Like - Share

Never go to the doctor's, unless its really bad.

March 5 from Twitter - Comment - Like - Share

I know I'd prefer to have lemon cake crumbs on my head than knob juice.

March 5 from Twitter - Comment - Like - Share

RT @jackkinnon96: @karlpilkingtonq https://twitter.com/jackkin...

March 4 from Twitter - Comment - Like - Share

A few years ago people worked this out, they all went mimamalistic.

March 4 from Twitter - Comment - Like - Share

I don't understand why people take pictures of mimes. Everyone looks like a mime in a picture.

March 4 from Twitter - Comment - Like - Share

And the other thing [about animal donation gifts] is, think about the goat. That was happy over here. Suddenly, it's on barren land.

March 4 from Twitter - Comment - Like - Share

I don't think people should have pets that are bigger than themselves.

March 3 from Twitter - Comment - Like - Share

RT @Hinchy91: If your a KP fan try this quiz @karlpilkingtonq @rickygervais @StephenMerchant @tadpole_hitler @FrogFuehrer http://www.sporcle.com/games...

March 3 from Twitter - Comment - Like - Share

Ricky and Steve are the famous ones...I'm like Victoria to their David Beckham. Or Ashley to their Cheryl Cole.

March 3 from Twitter - Comment - Like - Share

I don't think we should keep burying people. We're going to run out of holes.

March 3 from Twitter - Comment - Like - Share

Mrs. Matthews said to me mum and dad that I'd never be a high flier. And that was after I played the drums in 'Little Donkey.'

March 3 from Twitter - Comment - Like - Share

You never really hear about kids sayin' when they leave school they want to be a farmer. They all wanna be on X Factor now, or Big Brother.

March 3 from Twitter - Comment - Like - Share

RT @IEvaINZz: @karlpilkingtonq This has got to be seen!!! https://twitter.com/IEvaINZ...

March 2 from Twitter - Comment - Like - Share

RT @StephNewton2010: @karlpilkingtonq Love this so much https://twitter.com/StephNe...

March 2 from Twitter - Comment - Like - Share

Maybe it's best not to see what the pilot is up to during a flight.

March 2 from Twitter - Comment - Like - Share

Space is space at the end of the day. Nothing there but space, so I don't know what the attraction is.

March 2 from Twitter - Comment - Like - Share

I found out that [slugs] are hermaphroditic, which means they are both sexes and can have it away with themselves.

March 2 from Twitter - Comment - Like - Share

See, out of all the places [China] is the place that I'm worried about the most.

March 2 from Twitter - Comment - Like - Share