Keith Lard

There are some mental dating rules out there. Who is making up these rules like "the guy should pay for the first 5 dates", or "you have to have sex by the third date". I think the whole idea is a bit silly, so I have made up some rules of my own. The first date must take place on an elephant. The woman should call the man the day after the date to thank him, but she must speak only in Russian. If challenged, she should deny (in Russian) any knowledge of English. The second date should be naked (but outdoors). If the food is Italian, the man should pay. If Chinese, the woman. For any other cuisine, the man should create a distraction while the woman leaves the restaurant without paying. The man should then give a false name and address in lieu of payment. The third date should be in a flowerbed. After intimacy has taken place, the man should walk like a penguin. All dates after the third should be masked. George W. Bush masks are ideal, but if these aren't available, any US president... - Keith Lard

http://www.kineticnorth.com/Default... - Keith Lard

Pointless skills, number 218: calculating the day of the week for any given date. There are a lot of different ways to do it but I like this method, due to John Conway. The trick involves knowing what day of the week the last day of February was for the year in question. If you know this day (which Conway calls Doomsday), you can get close to the required date by knowing that Doomsday always recurs on the same dates: January 3 (normal years) or January 4 (leap years) February 28 (normal years) or February 29 (leap years) March 0 (in other words, March the Nth will be N days after Doomsday) For the remaining even months, the same day as the month (April 4, June 6, August 8, etc.) For the remaining odd months, use the mnemonic ‘I work 9-5 at the 7-11’. So the 9th day of the 5th month and vice versa, and the 7th day of the 11th month and vice versa. So if Doomsday for a particular year is Wednesday, and you want the date of the 9th of April, then since Doomsday always recurs on the 4th... - Keith Lard

Well I had an interesting visit to Cornwall, characterised by failures of phone line, internet access, electricity, car battery, and my back, but I did manage to make some ambient techno music, which I attach for your listening enjoyment. bitfield - Live in Cornwall - Keith Lard

A couple of live mixes I did with Matt (aka DJ The Major). The first one was done with Matt playing Ableton Live and DJay on his Mac, and me providing ambient sounds from the iPhone. The second is us playing two Macs, two Abletons, and two DJays. bitfield & The Major - Planetary Unfolding bitfield & The Major - Abandoned Cities Rough set list for the first one, from memory: Harold Budd - Abandoned Cities (from The Serpent (In Quicksilver) / Abandoned Cities) John Adams - Christian Zeal and Activity (from The Chairman Dances) Jon Hopkins - The Wider Sun (from Insides) Michael Stearns - In The Beginning (from Planetary Unfolding) Brian Eno & Harold Budd - Late October (from The Pearl) Eric Whitacre - Cloudburst (from Complete A Capella Works) John Adams - Shaking and Trembling (from Shaker Loops) M83 - Midnight Souls Still Remain (from Saturdays=Youth) Jon Hopkins - Luna Moth (from Contact Note) Vangelis - Chariots of Fire (from Chariots of Fire) Marconi Union - Interiors (from Lost... - Keith Lard

Typical profile from a dating site: ‘i am complex and intresting and like foppish indie bands that you have never heard of. i am a delicate balance of conflicting emotions, demanding, loving, at times wistful, sensitive, poetic, philosophical, sensual. i’m a lover, artist, friend, warrior, poet, mystic. i am 14 years old and avoiding my gcse coursework.’ It is reading men’s profiles that I find the most intresting and at the same time repellent. Perhaps I am jellus but I find myself raising an eyebrow in mocking approbation when I read about how they are doing a PhD at the Institute of Extreme Cleverness, play the drums in a trendy rock band, write award-winning TV shows, sell their watercolours through a small privately owned gallery, and are basically immeasurably sophistercated, rich and successful. I cannot help but add sarcastically in parentheses, ‘yet mysteriously I do not have a girlfriend’. I think if it was a woman I would be far more attracted to someone who said ‘I am a... - Keith Lard

This is the diseased tube station at Crouch End where once upon a time gents in tall stovepipe hats and frock coats would have got out of a big puffing steam train and gone home for an rubber or two of whist with Mr Marjoribanks the district surveyor and Parsons the cheesemonger. I do not know of course, that is just my imagination. Anyway it is diseased now and nothing remains except the platforms, and some cheerful people with bikes and dogs. Or in my case just bike. It is amazing as the graffiti that covers all the bridges and walls en route is far more exciting and colourful than anything the council could dream up to attract people for a family day out along London’s heritage-rich Parkland Walk. It is like being in some post-apocalyptic urban dystopia (good writing). The winding path through Queen’s Wood in Highgate, as it would have looked in a faded old sepia toned Victorian type autoluminograph (not reely of course it is just me playing about). I was having a lot of super fun... - Keith Lard

I'm organising a fun tournament on KGS for DDK players (10kyu and below, including complete beginners). The signup thread is here: September Tournament: 19x19 DDK. There's no need to sign up in advance - just play a game and post the result to the thread - but if you want to express interest and get challenges, post and say "I AM IN". The tournament will run from the 1st to the 30th of September. You can play as many games as you like, and play whoever you like. There is no limit on the number of times you can play someone, but it's probably more fun for you if you try to play as many different opponents as you can. Current standings I will keep the latest standings updated here. Name Played Won Lost Win% Points keithlard 0 0 0 0 0 kukula 0 0 0 0 0 noodley 0 0 0 0 0 Rafa 0 0 0 0 0 Monadology 0 0 0 0 0 SinK 0 0 0 0 0 psk31 0 0 0 0 0 Rules Matches will consist of a single 19x19 game on KGS (ranked if possible), 20 minutes per side with 5 x 30 seconds byo-yomi. Games will be even, with... - Keith Lard

keithlard-saeclum.sgf I felt just sick about this game. I don't think I really made any major blunders, but almost every move was bad from beginning to end, and the result was complete demolition. I post it here to prevent myself getting too cocky in the future. - Keith Lard