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RT @ConanOBrien: In honor of Valentine's Day, I'm having a small chicken burrito and an apple. Start your sex engines! http://teamcoco.com/content...
RT @jeffcannata: Can't understand why it is so hard to find a friend to go see a screening of Titanic 3D with me tonight. #outoftowngirlfriendwoes
I can't believe there's a holiday based on a shitty 2010 romantic comedy. Yeah, thanks for that Hollywood.
Just saw someone do a search on http://Ask.com. Bless their heart.
RT @MaxScoville: When I get a PS Vita, I'm gonna call it a "Playstation Vagita" because it makes me think of vaginas and Dragon Ball Z.
If Hershel ever says "That'll do pig" at any point, then season 2 of The Walking Dead will be 100% justified.
RT @JustinRYoung: It might just be my mood but my patience with Walking Dead is officially run out...
RT @TheLewisBlack: Congratulations to the masterful Louis CK for his well deserved Grammy win.
RT @biggsjason: It has to be past Bruno Mars' bedtime.
Thanks for the birthday wishes everyone. You guys roxers my soxers.
The last thing I needed was a comic book store version of American Pickers/Pawn Stars.
Rick just out-Shaned Shane!
RT @sethmeyers21: Tonight's Weekend Update had the cameo I've always dreamed about.
Some suspect it was murder. Where was her bodyguard?! Roast In Peace Whitney.
RT @scottjohnson: "A&E: We make reality tv shows that make you feel really good about how your life is going in comparison."
Saddest sight ever: a lonely Smart Car parked in front of a strip club at two in the afternoon.
Pfft! So much for that birthday snowman I was hoping to build tomorrow.
I really, REALLY got into some SNES NBA Jam tonight.
If the cats in Fancy Feast commercials could talk, they would probably sound like Joan Rivers.
The cast of Workaholics might as well be composed of rejected LMFAO members.
When someone asks a celebrity for a RT, I read it as "I love being vomited on."
RT @pattonoswalt: Just felt that QUAKE, thought I was DOOMed, and did a DUKE NUKEM in my pants. #losangeles
RT @masseffect: We're exactly one month away from Mass Effect 3!
RT @HomerJSimpson: I can't wait for the premiere of SMASH. It's about time the Hulk got his own show again.
RT @Hoboken411: Congrats #Hoboken #NJ resident Eli Manning for winning the Super Bowl AGAIN against the Patriots - WIN WIN WIN! http://hoboken411.com/archive...
RT @ThatKevinSmith: THE NEW JERSEY GIANTS WIN! THE NEW JERSEY GIANTS WIN!
RT @birbigs: "I'll throw it into your hands, then you drop it!" -Tom Brady #superbowl
GoDaddy commercials are the bastard child of Victoria's Secret and Spike TV.
Samsung. Just. Doesn't. Get. It.
RT @YoungBillyMays: Yeah, missed it live.. but the Avengers spot definitely gave me a little nerd-boner: http://www.youtube.com/watch...
RT @YoungBillyMays: Yeah, missed it live.. but the Avengers spot definitely gave me a little nerd-boner: http://t.co/tgfiiQ3d
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