Justin Kistner › Comments

"That's largely because the LEED standard was developed by the US Green Building Council. There really isn't an agreed upon international standard yet." - Justin Kistner

"Right on! Thanks Ruth! Tell your husband congrats :)" - Justin Kistner

"K, I think we fixed it :)" - Justin Kistner

"Server running super slow. Call into hosting company to boost bandwidth. Will be fixed in an hour or less. Please continue your wonderful support while we remedy this :)" - Justin Kistner

"Whoa! Never thought about this problem!! What's the solution? Do we spray the pools?" - Justin Kistner

"Man, and we thought sugar was bad!" - Justin Kistner

"The lady with the face workout is epic! Totally makes me want to slap her on the back to see if it sticks." - Justin Kistner

"Wasn't Karaoke a bad enough thing to encourage bad singers into embarrassing American Idol tryouts?" - Justin Kistner

"Some good predictions here. This will be the second year I've seen a prediction for social shopping, but 2009 could really be it." - Justin Kistner

Killer list of things start ups can do to maximize their success. Particularly hot for Portlanders. - Justin Kistner

All my calls today were so amazingly bad, I couldn't pick the worst one if I had to. So instead of revisiting painful memories of my day, Gentle Reader, I'll give you something better: a chilling portrait of a once-dedicated customer service representative who is slowly cracking under the pressure. - Justin Kistner

The vast sea of idiots and assholes crashes mightily upon me each day, and, as a result, my rock of diplomacy is now somewhat eroded. All of this, I hope, will serve to explain why the following sentences escaped my mouth when speaking to various recent callers: - Justin Kistner

Today’s worst call was from a woman whose hillbilly accent makes Granny Clampett sound like the Queen of England. Fortunately, I grew up speaking the redneck dialect, so I can usually converse with other people from "down in the holler." However, Ma Kettle's deep-backwoods brogue was a little thick, even for me. And that, along with her, um, peculiar way of putting things, led to a conversation worthy of an Abbott and Costello routine: - Justin Kistner

Today's worst caller was a man with a strange medical condition. Apparently he was unable to comprehend anything that I was saying, and felt obliged to translate my clear, simple words into a language that I have dubbed "Idiotese." Since no paraphrase of the conversation could do it justice, here is a rough transcript: - Justin Kistner

Following in the footsteps of last week's post, Double Trouble, I humbly submit another "two-for-one" for your reading enjoyment. - Justin Kistner

What the silence means is that your rep thinks you're a complete and utter twat, exceeding the average level of customer stupidity. So much so, in fact, that your CSR has made a special effort to make sure you don't hear anything he or she says while she turns around and tells their colleagues just how moronic you really are. - Justin Kistner

"Hello, Pepsi? I'd like to talk to Britney Spears, is she in? No? How about tomorrow? Oh. That's fine, please just send me to her voice mail, so she can call me back. I'm such a big fan! What? You mean I bought this fucking Pepsi and I can't even talk to Britney? Transfer me to her home phone right now, I'm sure she would be VERY unhappy to hear about this terrible service! GRRR! Fine, FUCK YOU and FUCK BRITNEY TOO!!" - Justin Kistner

10 types of callers - Justin Kistner

“I have enemies,” he said in hushed, fearful tones. “There are people out there . . . relatives . . . neighbors . . . co-workers . . . who take great pleasure in causing me pain and suffering. I have no doubt that they are the ones behind this.” The caller spoke with such solemn earnestness that I involuntarily started choking with laughter. - Justin Kistner

Whether my callers are merely exaggerating, omitting certain information, or telling me a whopper of a bald-faced lie, I hear the whispers of truth buried beneath their chattering lies. Some examples: - Justin Kistner

For your reading pleasure, then, here are some of the recent demands that have been shouted at me, along with the replies I desperately wanted to make. - Justin Kistner

Following in the footsteps of my last post, I'm writing once again about the vast difference between what is said, and what is true. With this entry, I'll be translating my typically polite, diplomatic language into the brutally honest sentiments that lie just beneath the surface. - Justin Kistner

Idiot - Justin Kistner

Today’s worst call was the most memorable one I’ve had for quite a while. As my loyal readers know, given the number of crazy-ass calls I receive each day, this is no mean feat. However, this particular caller managed to pull ahead of the pack with his first unforgettable sentence, which went something like this: “Um, hi, I just wanted to inform your agency that I’ve been electrocuted several times by my telephone.” - Justin Kistner

About a caller that happened to call back and get her - Justin Kistner

Thoughtful insights on the value of PR relative to having the right product at the right time (aka product marketing). - Justin Kistner

"I don't think this is a question about whether or not good tech needs PR. It feels more like a question about whether or not they should pay for it externally. A business does have to get the word out about their product. You can have a killer product and not get it in front of the right people and wither and die. If by sheer good luck you have the right product and happen to show it to someone that knows a Marshall; someone, even if it's the CEO, needs to answer questions when Marshall or another blogger calls. IMHO, in the future, everyone will need to be good at PR and you'll hire out to people who can help you be better at it and to behave in a coordinated manner." - Justin Kistner

"The Miller High Life sold me on it!" - Justin Kistner

"Data integrity (privacy) is a big concern for Enterprises. A few SaaS vedors (Software as a Service) have been busted for mining their customers' data. Privacy alone seems to justify the need for internal IT for businesses that can afford it." - Justin Kistner

"Fascinating info about the old worms that are still so prevalent: "One interesting observation about the ports that see the highest levels of attack traffic is that they were targeted by worms, viruses, and bots that spread across the Internet several years ago. While that’s not to say that there are not any current pieces of malware that attack these ports, it may point to a large pool of Microsoft Windows-based systems that are insufficiently maintained, and remain unpatched years after these attacks “peaked” and were initially mitigated with updated software."" - Justin Kistner