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9 out of 10 people on the Super Bowl victory platform are featured performers from Tim & Eric.
Century 21? Okay, got it. Any other businesses I need to boycott forever for associating with Donald Trump?
Remove the stove door, unscrew the oven bottom. Hold the knob in for 30 sec. after lighting, or the pilot will go out again. #OvenDetective
FYI: If cookies, pizza and pastry puffs are on the line, I'm willing to miss the 1st quarter of the Super Bowl playing Oven Detective.
Wait, who coaches the Patriots these days? That Belichick guy got fired for being a cheater, right?
All clear at the oncologist. Failed to think up a good groundhog joke. (Punxoncology Phil?)
Painful to admit, but I got at least $1 worth of fun from my game on that $1 Ms. Pac-Man machine. #funflation
Is there a meme yet where people photoshop a top hat and monocle onto photos of Mitt Romney, and if not, why not?
Tagg Romney might not be Mitt's most dickish son, but I assume he is; his name is Tagg.
Newt isn't doing well. Mitt also isn't doing well, but the bar is pretty low for him. ("Don't short circuit.") #cnndebate
Mitt forgot to disclose a $3,000,000 Swiss bank account, then referred to the error as trivial. #selfparody
Bachmann will deliver the Tea Party response from her basement rec room, staring directly to the right of a handicam with no tape in it.
Newton Gingrich = Ethnic Wronging; Willard Romney = Weirdly Normal; Richard Santorum = Scrotum Harridan.
Someone please call Mitt out on that "I got rich without help from daddy" nonsense. A teachable moment for pompous pricks everywhere.
He didn't speak much English, but I correctly interpreted "no good, no good" to mean "get me some water to extinguish this fireball."
The most dangerous part of a gas leak is when your landlady sends a dude over to wedge himself behind the stove and wave a lighter around.
Not sure what this means, but CNN has Newt on a 7-second delay. MSNBC does not.
Curious if there's internet speculation about a Gingrich/Santorum ticket, but terrified to google "Gingrich Santorum."
Apologies to @gavinspeiller for smack-talking the other day. Broke my own "no creepily hostile bits in the training center bathroom" rule.
Didn't get to watch the latest GOP debate until last night; congrats to SC on providing the scariest, most blatantly evil crowd to date!
Citizens United destroying the GOP once and for all would be the perfect, storybook ending.
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