Melissa Pierce - FriendFeed

If you dare give me your address I will buy you some magazines with my expiring miles. https://t.co/pwLJCEzu

3 hours ago from Twitter - Comment - Like - Share

Our neighbor gave us a cannibalistic goldfish today. We named him Albert Fish, (the original boogyman)

5 hours ago from Twitter - Comment - Like - Share

Best Valentine I've Ever Gotten http://instagr.am/p...

8 hours ago from Twitter - Comment - Like - Share

Best Valentines greeting I've gotten today: "You give me a soul boner"

11 hours ago from Twitter - Comment - Like - Share

Love is kind -> Even though I was wrong about Cole not being the one and we both knew it, he never rubbed it in.

13 hours ago from Twitter - Comment - Like - Share

Love is patient -> Even though I said aloud the day we met, "He's not the one." Cole waited for months for me to admit I was wrong. <3

13 hours ago from Twitter - Comment - Like - Share

"Hey girl, I've arranged for Hallmark to rename Valentines Day to Galentines Day because today is all about you." - Ryan Gosling

14 hours ago from Twitter - Comment - Like - Share

Please stop saying vee day. Every time you say it I think of Jody Foster delivering a PSA on venereal diseases in the voice of Nell.

15 hours ago from Twitter - Comment - Like - Share

I know it's so not hot to stop in the heat of passion and all, but you're going to have to wear a condom because I've got veeday. #VDAY

yesterday from Twitter - Comment - Like - Share

"Vee Day" sounds like a horrible disease that gets its own pamphlet at the gynecologist's office.

yesterday from Twitter - Comment - Like - Share

My living room, right now. If you know where we live come over. http://instagr.am/p...

yesterday from Twitter - Comment - Like - Share

2000 Playballs have arrived! http://instagr.am/p...

yesterday from Twitter - Comment - Like - Share

"Mama, you shouldn't hit the people you love, and you should love everybody." - My 5yr old.

yesterday from Twitter - Comment - Like - Share

PS. "Does this article link make my dick look bigger" tweets are known as #cocktweets. You'll recognize them when you see them.

Sunday from Twitter - Comment - Like - Share

"click my junk" and "does this article make my dick look bigger" tweets showing up again. It was fun hanging' out while it lasted, twitter.

Sunday from Twitter - Comment - Like - Share

RT @zchamu: Dear Left Coast: When Chris Brown shows up again just turn the whole thing off + go to bed. He's the horseman of the #grammys apocalypse.

Sunday from Twitter - Comment - Like - Share

RT @aurosan: 1 in 3 women will be the victims of domestic abuse in their lifetimes. Remember that as the Academy continues to celebrate Chris Brown.

Sunday from Twitter - Comment - Like - Share

Lil Wayne arrested backstage at #Grammys for gun possession? #classy

Sunday from Twitter - Comment - Like - Share

RT @JoshMalina: Grammy Newsbreak! Ice-T and The Lemonheads to form supergroup, "Arnold Palmer."

Sunday from Twitter - Comment - Like - Share

We have a Kafka book that's falling apart, Occasionally I find pages of "The Trial" around my house, I try not to see it as a sign.

Sunday from Twitter - Comment - Like - Share

OH: Right before impact: Keanu believed in the power of the matrix and flew away. #redpill #KeanuALIVE

Sunday from Twitter - Comment - Like - Share

Someone please make a "Sad Keanu" snowboarding death rumor animated gif meme immediately.

Sunday from Twitter - Comment - Like - Share

"Uppity Intellectual" is the new "Sexy Bitch" as in "I'd really like to get into her pants, she is one uppity intellectual." #youarewelcome

Sunday from Twitter - Comment - Like - Share

Laptop shooting dad has reminded to follow through with threats to my kids. Guess I'll find those gypsies I keep threatening to sell em' to.

Sunday from Twitter - Comment - Like - Share

Women, marriage, and education. http://www.nytimes.com/2012...

Sunday from Twitter - Comment - Like - Share

The best response by a father to an question about daughter "dressing like a slut" ever: http://twitpic.com/8ijklr/full (via @gainesm)

Sunday from Twitter - Comment - Like - Share

From this you should be able to extract my entire phone conversation last night. http://instagr.am/p...

Sunday from Twitter - Comment - Like - Share

This is the route we're taking to Austin: http://www.mapquest.com/... Know of any wacky tourist stops we should make? #RVSX

Saturday from Twitter - Comment - Like - Share

Talking with my #RVSX bus mates about what roadside attractions to stop at along our Chicago to Austin route. 2 story out house - yes or no?

Saturday from Twitter - Comment - Like - Share

Please take note twitter: not all brilliant and/or gifted people are tortured souls, in fact, usually not.

Saturday from Twitter - Comment - Like - Share