Guy Harris › Comments

"I think you make a good point about empathy. With empathy we truly understand the other person's viewpoint even when we don't necessarily agree with them. Thanks for stopping by and sharing your perspective." - Guy Harris

"Darren, I think you're right on target with your comment about trust. When I said I had a perspective on this in my post, the level of trust you have developed with the other person was one of the issues on my mind. Thanks for stopping by to leave a comment." - Guy Harris

"Hi Joan, Thanks for stopping by and taking the time to leave a comment. Good observation that people don't usually mean to give offense. You hit on the essence of my thought exactly." - Guy Harris

"Thanks. I'll come get a badge later." - Guy Harris

"I noticed the same things. It looked like some people were frightened, some thought it was a joke, and others did not know what to think. Thanks for stopping by and leaving your thoughts." - Guy Harris

"Thanks for stopping by and sharing your comments on this post. I appreciate the positive feedback.." - Guy Harris

"Hi Michel, Thanks for this thought provoking post. My wife is also a breast cancer survivor. So, you got me from the beginning. I think that yields some insight as well. Even though I am far more factual and analytical, the emotional connection got me first. I appreciate the way you shared a personal story and then tied it to a great learning lesson. Well done!" - Guy Harris

"Kare, That has also been my experience. In attempting to be clear, I have seen other people feel attacked, cornered, or criticized. In face-to-face communications, I find that I have to work really hard to control my tone, body language, and facial expressions so that the questions comes across as an honest attempt to create mutual understanding and not as an attempt to "catch" the other party. Thanks for pointing out the possible downside of the approach. Your comment points out how difficult communication can be even when we have the best of intentions. Guy" - Guy Harris

"Chris, Great thoughts and perspective. I have often lamented the behaviors of many people online. It sometimes looks as if we can hide behind our computers, locked away behind the protective walls of our homes, and throw stones at the rest of the world. Sometimes it seems that people feel safe in behaving rudely or overly aggressively in the online world (sort of like road rage?). Like MagsMac, I like the idea of building people up rather than tearing them down. I think it's important to realize that real people with real thouhts and feelings are on the other end of our posts, comments, tweets and emails. Thanks for the reminder. I'm enjoying your tweets and blog posts. Keep up the good work." - Guy Harris

"Thanks for the feedback and for stopping by. I'm glad the insights helped you." - Guy Harris

"I agree with you that encouragement helps, and that it is generally good for moral and overall team performance. I'm not sure what the statement "not true" refers to. Do you disagree with my post, color_chart's comments, or my reply to the comments. Please help me understand your perspective." - Guy Harris

"Hazel, Thanks for stopping by and leaving this comment. I appreciate the feedback. Guy" - Guy Harris

"Kare, Thanks for the comment and sorry for the delay. There was a hangup in my Disqus timeline. Guy" - Guy Harris

"Tammy, Thanks for stopping by. I appreciate your post that got my mind running." - Guy Harris

"Jim, Great observations. So often we fail to listen and jump right in to "persuading." Thanks for sharing your thoughts on this topic." - Guy Harris

"Hi Jenny, Thanks for stopping by and for the kind words." - Guy Harris

"Vickie, thanks for the input and feedback. Well thought out and presented - as usual. I see the same thing you see. People often act as if suppressing the emotion will resolve the conflict. And, you're right, I don't advocate suppressing the emotion. I like the way you expressed the better alternative approach of "why am I feeling so . . . angry, sad, mad." Backing up the process to address our perceptual frame rather than our feelings is a much more powerful approach than ignoring or suppressing the feelings. In my experience, the suppression approach only works for a short period of time. The feelings will come out eventually (probably not in a healthy way). Addressing the perception that lead to the feeling usually gives us the mental space to understand the other person in a much deeper way so that we move towards the empathy and reconciliation you mentioned. Great point about life not usually being a zero sum game. It's good to get input from a fellow laborer in the field of..." - Guy Harris

"Thanks for the comments Vickie and for the reminder that we all "fall prey to this cognitive bias." I agree that we need to learn to forgive ourselves as much as we forgive others. Realizing that "it's not about me anyway" helps me to stay on track with this advice. Great to hear from you." - Guy Harris

"Diane, Thanks for the feedback and the kind words. It sounds like we share some common struggles and victories. Likewise, I appreciate what I learn from your blog. Thanks for your contributions as well." - Guy Harris

"Kare, As always, you contribute great thoughts in your comments. Thanks for contributing. I wish I could say that I had read the book you mentioned. Unfortunately, I didn't even know about it. I'll have to add it to my reading list. Thanks for pointing out the polarizing effect of what happens as people cluster in like minded groups. I agree with you that finding commonality is a key to seizing opportunities and truly enjoying life. Thanks again for your input to this post." - Guy Harris

"Thanks for the comment. I agree with you that encouraging people when they behave inappropriately would not help. It probably would, as you pointed out, cause more problems. I sense that I may not have been as clear as I had hoped when I wrote this post. In my ongoing effort to communicate more clearly, here are some amplifying thoughts. When I write and teach on performance management concepts, I make the point that "feel good" comments don't really help, and that positive comments should be directed at noticing specific behaviors that benefit the team or organization. In other words, constant "atta-boys" and "good jobs" that people issue without thought actually hurt more than they help if they are not directed at specific behaviors. Focusing on specific behaviors also avoids the jealousy issue. If you consistently notice the good behaviors of everyone on the team, few people will get jealous when you notice someone else. I agree that leaders really need to watch out for slipping in..." - Guy Harris

"Jim, I like your style. I've only read this one post and your comments on twitter over the last day or so, and I already like you. I'm looking forward to learning from your blog (already subscribed). Guy Harris" - Guy Harris

"Wow Ruben! That's a great question. You've really pushed my thinking on this one. I hope you're ready for a long answer because I don't think I can give this a simple one-liner. I didn't really intend to open that can of worms with this post. At the time I wrote it, I wasn't thinking in terms of deep philosophical questions of right and wrong. I was thinking more in terms of the tendency most of us have to assume that our own position is "right" and that anyone who disagrees with us is "wrong." Then we often move to judging the other person's character in terms of "good" or "bad" rather than focusing on the behavior they exhibited that bothered us or created the conflict. So, I was attempting to encourage people to learn from Lincoln's ability to separate the "rightness" or "wrongness" of a behavior from the character of the other person. He could look at something that most people would call wrong (slavery) and recognize that the people promoting its spread were not necessarily evil..." - Guy Harris

"Hello Mike, Thanks for the feedback. I keep working to remember the idea when the pressure hits. The times I apply it the best are the times that I get the best response from others. I hope this really does help you grow as a leader. Please keep me posted on how this idea impacts your leadership impact." - Guy Harris

"Kare, I'm glad that I could help you find a valuable resource. I look forward to reading your impression of the book after you have the chance to read it. Enjoy! Guy Harris" - Guy Harris

"Kare, Thanks for your feedback. As soon as I received Jim's email, I knew he was right and that I could improve what I had written. I also like the description of your training exercise. I imagine that it would create a powerful learning moment. I'm always on the lookout for new and better ways to illustrate key points. Thanks for sharing yours. By the way, I'm really enjoying your blog (http://www.movingfrommetowe.com/). Guy Harris" - Guy Harris