 |
|
| FriendFeed is the easiest way to share online. Learn more » |
Steven Perez
LIVE-FRIENDFEED REVIEW: TWILIGHT
March 31, 2009
- Comment
- Like
- Share
SAM, Faraz Mullick, Jimminy, CoG of FF and 26 other people liked this
Ok, peeps, babby is sleeping, pizza has been consumed and vodka is on standby. Got the movie queued and ready to rock.
- Steven Perez
0:00:20 - BAMBI! WATCH OUT FOR GODZILLA!!!
- Steven Perez
dude, take it off of X4 speed!
- Vicarbott
One minute in, and we begin with a small, defenseless animal being eviscerated off-screen. Yep, this is going to be chock full of romance.
- Steven Perez
from IM
Wait, she's gonna miss the heat of Phoenix?!?
- Steven Perez
from IM
Forks?!? The town is named Forks?!? In a vampire movie?!?!?
- Steven Perez
from IM
5:15 - Adults using slang. My brain hurts already.
- Steven Perez
from IM
Nice truck, though.
- Steven Perez
from IM
Adults can get down with da lingo?!
- Shevonne
Sadly, no, foxy lady. :D
- Steven Perez
from IM
I like the way this movie is setting up the various characters who are going to end up as pizza pockets.
- Steven Perez
from IM
8:40 - And in walk in the vamps. You can tell because they're the pretty ones.
- Steven Perez
from IM
9:40 - This must be the hero. He mopes most majestically.
- Steven Perez
from IM
"totally gorgeous, obviously" - yeah, in that whole Robert Smith all-life-is-pain kinda way. *gag*
- Steven Perez
from IM
this is vintage FF right here.
- Vicarbott
That look he's giving her? Wondering what blood type she is.
- Steven Perez
from IM
I know what he's thinking - "don'tlookatmyteeth don'tlookatmyteeth don'tlookatmyteeth don'tlookatmyteeth"
- Steven Perez
from IM
"OHGODSHE'SLOOKINGATMYTEETH!!!!" *runs away*
- Steven Perez
from IM
He mumbles so dreamily. *deep schoolgirl sigh* [/a little sarcasm]
- Steven Perez
from IM
No, creepy stalker guy, she doesn't remember you.
- Steven Perez
from IM
"Are there any cute guys?" "Well, there's this one guy who's really cute when he's all mopey ..."
- Steven Perez
from IM
Confront him. Right. Cuz that's what you do with someone you're not interested in.
- Steven Perez
from IM
Wow. He disappears. Maybe he's off killing deer.
- Steven Perez
from IM
Whoops. My bad. He's off killing longshoremen, instead.
- Steven Perez
from IM
Da union ain't gonna like that.
- Steven Perez
from IM
SAFE!
- Steven Perez
from IM
Yes, ice often happens in cold weather places, little one. It's called "winter". I know, something they don't have in Arizona.
- Steven Perez
from IM
16:28 - Don't these guys ever shut up?
- Steven Perez
from IM
Here we go ...
- Steven Perez
from IM
They have an eternity to shut up
- Shevonne
"Hi, I'm Edward, and I'll be your mopey vampire hero in this movie ..."
- Steven Perez
from IM
Don't look in the microscope!!!
- Steven Perez
from IM
Eternal youth at his command, and his first conversational gambit is about the weather?!?
- Steven Perez
from IM
*wondering if the microscope is supposed to be some kind of phallic symbol*
- Steven Perez
from IM
*pout pout* I'm a emo girl with permanent worried eyebrows. My lab partner is really hot but looks really pale and he can stop suvs with his hand. *pout pout*
- Josh Haley
Yep, definitely a phallic symbol.
- Steven Perez
from IM
Did these kids go to the Anakin Skywalker School of Not Really Emoting?!?
- Steven Perez
from IM
"Did your eyes just change?" "Errrrrrr ..." *runs away*
- Steven Perez
from IM
21:15 - "OMG I'M IN LOVE WITH SUPERBOY!!!"
- Steven Perez
from IM
And he totally saved her truck, too. What a dreamboat.
- Steven Perez
from IM
And here comes smarmy vampire doctor. Must have been an off-week on the soaps.
- Steven Perez
from IM
"Your vitals look good. Mind if I check by biting your neck and draining your blood?"
- Steven Perez
from IM
Wow. Mopey and a bad liar. He's definitely the hero.
- Steven Perez
from IM
25 minutes in, and I'm wondering when Blade is going to show up and start offing the cast.
- Steven Perez
from IM
OK, I need a brain break from all this emotional turmoil. Back in ten.
- Steven Perez
from IM
Ah, the things you guys miss when I go make me some tea. I came up with this awesome alternate timeline where Blade and Buffy show up and start killing off the town, just like AVP2. Actually, that movie sucked worse, but hey, I'm only half an hour into TWILIGHT. C'mon, mopey emo kids, don't let me down!!! Suck harder than AVP2!!!
- Steven Perez
from IM
aaaaaaaand, picking it up from the hospital ...
- Steven Perez
from IM
In the greenhouse now. They're having a fight. I think. I can't tell cuz they still have the same expressions on their faces all the time.
- Steven Perez
from IM
hahaha
- Shevonne
I can't wait until you get to the "THIS IS THE SKIN OF A MONSTER!" scene. :D It's my favorite.
- Hookuh Tinypants
Seriously, so far, this is the slowest vampire movie I've ever seen. And that includes the 1931 version of DRACULA.
- Steven Perez
from IM
This may save me from having to watch the movie.
- Just Katie
I'm beginning to wonder if I accidentally got a SMALLVILLE episode by mistake ... oh, wait, there's the Superman reference.
- Steven Perez
from IM
Don't feel bad, the books move even MORE slowly. Honestly, someone needs to buy Stephenie Meyer some classes on pacing and plot-building.
- Hookuh Tinypants
It is slow until, for just a few minutes, it's not. Then it's over. The visuals were pretty neat, though, and I enjoyed the music. Definitely wasn't worth $22.99 for a two-disc set.
- Ladyepiphanybug
Holy cow. I'm starting to feel that dull buzzing that indicates brain damage. Usually happens when I find myself watching some teen soap opera by mistake.
- Steven Perez
from IM
Heather: soooooooo, ... you're telling me that the one fight scene from the trailer is pretty much all the action?!? Cuz if that's true, I'm gonna reach for the KILL BILL set and review that instead. :D
- Steven Perez
from IM
rofl I KNEW IT!
- Erin @queenofspain
Erin: It was the booze! I swear!!! :D
- Steven Perez
from IM
35:00 - FINALLY! Creepy stalker guy (I think) buys it - off-screen. WTF?!? Did Nickelodeon fund this movie?!?
- Steven Perez
from IM
I just watched the movie earlier today. I could have saved myself 2 hours and some change by just waiting and reading this. Oh well, live and learn. :)
- Jason Shultz
from twhirl
O. M. G. They're trying on dresses?!? Did I pick up the E! network by mistake?!?
- Steven Perez
from IM
Of course, the local tribe knows all about the vampires. Duh. Why do you think there are no vampires in Native American lore? CUZ THEY KILLED THEM ALL.
- Steven Perez
from IM
Lessee: doesn't like sunlight, eyes change colors, mopey whiney emo mood swings, lousy driver, ... and now telepathy. It's so obvious. Mopey Dude is a mutant. He probably blew in from the Xavier School.
- Steven Perez
from IM
SPECIAL DIET?!?!?
- Steven Perez
from IM
Right, "special diet" - the Adkins diet from hell. Fill up on all the A-negative you want, but stay away from the bread!
- Steven Perez
from IM
(Steven, have you read the books? Who would be the mortal enemies of vampires?)
- Ladyepiphanybug
OK, now he's a stalker.
- Steven Perez
from IM
(Nope.)
- Steven Perez
from IM
(Wait ... books?!? Plural?!?!?!?)
- Steven Perez
from IM
(Four of 'em, and a fifth online somewhere.)
- Ladyepiphanybug
GEEZ! FINALLY! Almost an hour into the film and she finally figures it out. She's a regular Lois Lane, this one.
- Steven Perez
from IM
(FOUR?!? Are they plotted as slowly as this movie?!?)
- Steven Perez
from IM
OK, pop quiz: you've just found out that the dreamy mope in your class is a vampire. Do you (a) stock up on silver and garlic and wait to ambush him and his clan or (b) go off into the woods to interrogate him all alone? If you chose (b), then this movie is for you!
- Steven Perez
from IM
(c) Ask him to turn me into a vampire
- Shevonne
(d) wait for the Daywalker to show and save this movie.
- Steven Perez
from IM
(e) Go Buffy the Vampire Slayer on him and wait for Angel, a real vampire. haha
- Shevonne
Great. Now he's the Flash.
- Steven Perez
from IM
Wait, so now he's a sparkly unicorn?!?
- Steven Perez
from IM
He's the world's most dangerous predator?!? Now I wish that an actual Predator would show up and school his mopey ass.
- Steven Perez
from IM
OK, that's it. I give up. No mas.
- Steven Perez
from IM
Seriously, this movie hurt my brain. The dialogue must have been written by the same 7th-grade lunch table thespians that George Lucas used to write the "romantic" scenes in ATTACK OF THE CLONES. I wasn't expecting anything Whedonesque, but geez, watching this movie was like watching a CW teen drama on Ritalin.
- Steven Perez
from IM
Oy. I'm gonna go crack open that bottle of 120 proof vodka and watch a pre-1999 John Woo movie to cleanse the palate. Congratulations, LET THE RIGHT ONE IN; you're still the best vampire movie from the last 18 months.
- Steven Perez
from IM
Oh, and Leather Donut? You were right, dude: ASS.
- Steven Perez
from IM
You really reviewed this? Give me another Shiner Bock...
- Joel Robert Perez
As you can see, I only made it half-way through, but that's because I couldn't breathe because I was laughing too much. :D
- Steven Perez
Yep...that baseball scene was.......was.........WAS...................KKKKKKKHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAANNNNNNNNNNNNNN!!!!!!
- Joel Robert Perez
LOVE
- Hookuh Tinypants
I am so copying this down for posterity once they burn this joint down. :) This is the thread that kicked off the Tex-Mex Movie Reviews with Haggis.
- Steven Perez
This is a great idea >> you should hold weekly movie reviews :P
- Angelo Rodrigues
I TOTALLY SHOULD! Maybe I can find someone to do them with me! :D
- Steven Perez
Every time a new Twilight movie comes out, I get the urge to finish the review. Then I sober up.
- Steven Perez