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Disney implicated in worldwide pneumonia epidemic; child victims consistently claiming not bothered by cold anyway.
I did poorly in college calculus due to weak trigonometry. Filling the gaps in my math education at @khanacademy feels really, really good.
Retweet if you think the zero key should come before the one key. Favorite if you think keyboards need a ten key.
RT @SteveMartinToGo: Trusting wife approaching, forcing dog to smoke pot while gorging myself with knife-fed peanut butter.
RT @alternatekev: First person plural future
RT @_youhadonejob: I'm not sure Disney has got a grasp on the concept of pirates.
RT @GaryPendergast: "You don't tolerate my intolerance, so *you're* the intolerant one!" is probably my favourite internet argument.
RT @IanMartin: On #AutismAwareness Day I'd like to apologise for all those times I saw a child kicking off and made a moral judgement about parenting.
RT @GrantWoods: How can this be? Saddest picture in a long time: each flag marks a veteran's suicide since Jan. 1--average 22 a day.”
RT @aggiezoe: @skeltoac with Lella on a beautiful spring day.
RT @aggiezoe: Spring in Texas is prepayment for the summer.
Shared tequila at #CheapThrills (@drafthousefilms) w/ @timalamo: snort a line of salt, do shot, squeeze limes in your eyes. Would do again.
RT @hughlaurie: I'm sticking to this. If you're too delicate to share a world with other sweating, moulting human beings, live in a purell bottle.
These are reminiscent of very good strawberries.
RT @paleofuture: i just hope the new cold war gets us to mars this time
RT @michae1mitchell: My new mission at Thomas. Coming soon.
I got you some ice for your crotch -
I got you some ice for your crotch
Notwithstanding having laughed out loud at the punchline, I ask @ZachWeiner @SMBCComics: what if the solution itself is part of the problem?
RT @iammattthomas: @tellyworth Chrome OS, Glass, even Android — clearly designed by and for unreconstructed nerds.
RT @tellyworth: I've been wondering who the target market is for the Pixel and Glasses. Empirically, it seems the answer is @iammattthomas.
RT @iammattthomas: Worst part of Google Glasses is that I have to sit in front of a mirror to do Chatroulette.
Need a pick-me-up? Hold a pen with your molars on both sides to force a smile. (Your results may vary. Not a cure for chronic depression.)
Need a pick-me-up? Hold a pen with your molars on both sides to force a smile. (Your results may vary. Not a cure chronic depression.)
RT @cstross: PSA: be sure not to die a virgin – there are terrorists waiting up there.
I've had enough Yoda Conditions. Never ever use them. They are harder to read and write. They code worse, not better. Who's with me?
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