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Using a speechwriter is weak. Bush just threw Magnetic Poetry at a fridge. I loved when he said "The state of our union is enormous acumen."
TONIGHT: "As of 8 p.m. Central Vatican Time, we are officially Pope-less. We have undergone a Pope-endectomy." @ColbertReport, 11:30 p.m.
The Harlem Globetrotters visited North Korea. Apparently, Pyongyang had a rash of cartoon ghost mysteries.
Happy Cinqo De Mayo! (I have no idea when/what that is--I don't speak Spanish. Just trying to court some Latinos.)
Colbert secret: this is my #1 source of news: https://twitter.com/Stephen...
It'll be a cold day in Hell when Texas swings for Democrats. Temperatures in Texas, however, will remain at standard Hell levels.
The Pope only has two days left in office. I bet he's got a serious case of Monsignoritis.
2NITE: My guest, Michio Kaku, says an asteroid could destroy Earth. On the plus side, that asteroid would be totally wiped out! TCR, 11:30pm
All these Vatican scandals make me wish for the uncontroversial good old days of Inquisitions and Crusades.
Stephan Planken liked this
TONIGHT: "We all know Hollywood doesn't reward torture films. If they did, the winner would've been BATTLESHIP." @ColbertReport, 11:30 p.m.
Spidra Webster liked this
Regained control of my Twitter feed. Turns out, I wasn't hacked by VH1 Classic. I was hacked by Burger King!
Watched videos from Berlin, Asia, Chicago. Still can't find my luggage, thinking maybe Toto took it to Kansas. #VH1ClassicHack
How many times can you watch Paula Abdul's "Opposites Attract" and not go insane? Find out on TOTALLY 80s @ 9am! #VH1ClassicHack
The future's so bright I gotta wear shades. Also due to a nasty case of pink-eye. #VH1ClassicHack
Is it normal if your Pop-Up Video lasts for more than 4 hours? #VH1ClassicHack
Is this the real life? Is this just fantasy? Nope! It's a network playing the hits of the 70s-80s-90s & years in between! #VH1ClassicHack
Due to their advanced age, Bad Company now just feels like making soup. #VH1ClassicHack
Allow me to pose one of life's eternal questions: Which came first, the Ashford or the Simpson? #VH1classichack
Uh-oh. Just got some sugar poured on me. #Ilovehearingimpairedjunglecats #VH1ClassicHack
Ricky Martin missed the express train, so he's Livin' la Vida Local! #VH1ClassicHack
Styx and the Stones may break my bones, but who cares?! Crank it up and rip off the knob! #VH1ClassicHack
Just figured out what Alanis Morissette was talking about in "You Oughtta Know!" #blushing #VH1ClassicHack
Finally found out the one thing Meat Loaf won't do for love! Now how can I UN-find it out? #itinvolvestheloaf #VH1ClassicHack
VH1 Classic: All music, all the time...plus reruns of MARRIED WITH CHILDREN. #VH1ClassicHack
Bren liked this
What's so bad about horsemeat? My staff gets catered horsemeat every day and none of them complain. Also, staff, you're eating horsemeat.
Pittsburgh is seeking a federal grant to purchase a hovercraft. In other news, I'm seeking a federal grant to purchase a hovercraft.
Office Max and Office Depot are going to merge. I believe they're going to be called "Max Depot."
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