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Stephen Colbert
Unofficial, but his tweets are too funny not to share.
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according to conservapedia, andy schafly is also an astronaut and the inventor of mufflers
4 hours ago
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starting to feel bad for tiger woods. this has become almost as hard to watch as golf
11 hours ago
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starting to feel bad for tiger woods. this has become almost as hard to watch as golf
11 hours ago
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cirque de soleil has a show about elvis. so now you have the choice of thin elvis, fat elvis or freaky contortionist elvis
12 hours ago
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this year for christmas i'm asking santa for unlimited christmases. can't believe no one thought of that
16 hours ago
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Christopher Granade
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Chad Orzel
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Ruchira S. Datta
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now that i let fela dance on my show, i assume they'll return the favor. look out, broadway!
Monday
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Ruchira S. Datta
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they opened climate talks in copenhagen today and not a single polar bear showed up. if they're not worrying, why should i?
Monday
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now that the teabaggers are sending rubber chickens to congress, they should start calling themselves chicken chockers
Saturday
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congratulations to taylor swift for her eight grammy nominations! and to kanye west for his eight restraining orders!
Friday
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Ruchira S. Datta
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now we can find out what vancouver's so-called "olympic oval" looks like. i'm guessing an ellipse.
December 3
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now we can find out what vancouver's so-called "olympic oval" looks like. i'm guessing an ellipse.
December 3
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Tiger needs to buckle down & find that "one" special person to spend the rest of his life cheating on his wife with
December 3
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The saddest thing about Frankenstein's fear of fire is that he'll never get to partake in the joys of a luau
December 2
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Hi, it's Tareq and Michaele Salahi, we're crashing Stephen's tweet.
December 2
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dogs are coming down with H1N1. sorry pregnant ladies, now you'll have to wait for vaccines behind Goldman Sach's pet schnauzers.
December 2
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if jesus was an alien, he'd have said "turn the other five cheeks"
December 1
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now that obama made a decision on war i promise to stop criticizing him for not having a plan, and start criticizing his plan
December 1
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does the fcc monitor tweets? you won't believe what that My Little Pony really whispered in my ear
December 1
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my favorite imaginary congressional district is Arkanbrasktah's Nth.
December 1
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what's the sound of one hand tweeting? qwerty
December 1
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Mr. Gunn
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Felicia Yue
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Ruchira S. Datta
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sarah palin didn't finish a 5k race in kennewick, ashington. amazing - is there anything she can't quit?
December 1
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I waited in line all night in front of my laptop for cyber monday. unfortunately, I trampled myself
December 1
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There's only one reason Tiger Woods would have been in his car at that hour-- Doorbuster sale. When will the madness end, Walmart?
December 1
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climate change = conspiracy by meteorologists. How else do you explain the mysterious symbols they use in the 5-day forecast?
November 30
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climate scientists don't need tricks to hide their findings. if it's published in a scientific journal, no one will ever read it
November 30
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i would have watched mr. soling's film about our broken public schools, but my a.v. department budget has been slashed
November 30
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it's almost thanksgiving, so let me be the first to say, "you're welcome"
November 23
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little known fact: after the pilgrims ate, they would loosen the buckles on their hats
November 21
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i bet those black lotto tickets have an even classier sheen when they're coated with human tears
November 19
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ak-47 notwithstanding, i'm no fan of russia. i don't trust a country whose women nest inside of each other
November 19
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Best of week from Stephen Colbert
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