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Stephen Colbert

Stephen Colbert

Unofficial, but his tweets are too funny not to share.
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according to conservapedia, andy schafly is also an astronaut and the inventor of mufflers
starting to feel bad for tiger woods. this has become almost as hard to watch as golf
starting to feel bad for tiger woods. this has become almost as hard to watch as golf
cirque de soleil has a show about elvis. so now you have the choice of thin elvis, fat elvis or freaky contortionist elvis
this year for christmas i'm asking santa for unlimited christmases. can't believe no one thought of that
now that i let fela dance on my show, i assume they'll return the favor. look out, broadway!
they opened climate talks in copenhagen today and not a single polar bear showed up. if they're not worrying, why should i?
now that the teabaggers are sending rubber chickens to congress, they should start calling themselves chicken chockers
congratulations to taylor swift for her eight grammy nominations! and to kanye west for his eight restraining orders!
now we can find out what vancouver's so-called "olympic oval" looks like. i'm guessing an ellipse.
now we can find out what vancouver's so-called "olympic oval" looks like. i'm guessing an ellipse.
Tiger needs to buckle down & find that "one" special person to spend the rest of his life cheating on his wife with
The saddest thing about Frankenstein's fear of fire is that he'll never get to partake in the joys of a luau
Hi, it's Tareq and Michaele Salahi, we're crashing Stephen's tweet.
dogs are coming down with H1N1. sorry pregnant ladies, now you'll have to wait for vaccines behind Goldman Sach's pet schnauzers.
if jesus was an alien, he'd have said "turn the other five cheeks"
now that obama made a decision on war i promise to stop criticizing him for not having a plan, and start criticizing his plan
does the fcc monitor tweets? you won't believe what that My Little Pony really whispered in my ear
my favorite imaginary congressional district is Arkanbrasktah's Nth.
what's the sound of one hand tweeting? qwerty
sarah palin didn't finish a 5k race in kennewick, ashington. amazing - is there anything she can't quit?
I waited in line all night in front of my laptop for cyber monday. unfortunately, I trampled myself
There's only one reason Tiger Woods would have been in his car at that hour-- Doorbuster sale. When will the madness end, Walmart?
climate change = conspiracy by meteorologists. How else do you explain the mysterious symbols they use in the 5-day forecast?
climate scientists don't need tricks to hide their findings. if it's published in a scientific journal, no one will ever read it
i would have watched mr. soling's film about our broken public schools, but my a.v. department budget has been slashed
it's almost thanksgiving, so let me be the first to say, "you're welcome"
little known fact: after the pilgrims ate, they would loosen the buckles on their hats
i bet those black lotto tickets have an even classier sheen when they're coated with human tears
ak-47 notwithstanding, i'm no fan of russia. i don't trust a country whose women nest inside of each other
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