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After I exfoliate, I'm going to have a latte and maybe drive a little faster than the speed limit, because I'm a man, I think.
Every morning I wake up, get dressed for work and resist the urge to tie a Windsor Noose.
I set the clocks back last night and also the bathroom scale.
I love to hand out candy to spawns of Satan I mean children.
Woke up this morning with some pretty bad bed hair and even worse bed face.
I blame this bottle of bourbon for my raging alcoholism.
The Prison Warden is unhappy with her new nickname, but she should have thought about that before she married me.
My third nipple doesn't bother most people, but the fourth one usually freaks them out.
Celebrating Halloween at work today. My pantless Lady GaGa costume went over like a helium balloon.
Celebrating Halloween at work today. My pantless Lady GaGa costume went over like a helium balloon.
Godzilla shows an alien time travel can be FUN! - http://www.flickr.com/photos...
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The camera may add 10 pounds, but I would say it was probably the bag of candy corn I had for breakfast.
The camera may add 10 pounds, but I would say it was probably the bag of candy corn I had for breakfast.
What's the Blue Book Trade-In Value for a used spouse with minor mechanical and cosmetic defects?
My wife's chastity belt Halloween costume is both functional and HEY WAIT A MINUTE
It was so thoughtful of me to grace you with my presence.
My morning breath is atrocious and honestly, my afternoon breath doesn't smell much better.
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