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I'm thinking of changing my avatar to a cute kitten. On a stick. Like a kabob.
Eve: "Yeah, I partook of the fruit. After I saw the size of that goddamn snake."
The town of Sodom: "Damn right we sodomized your daughters. You live in Sodom. Move to Flower Town if you want them to get roses."
Yes, I'm a bible scholar. If anyone has questions, I'll be happy to enlighten you.
Abraham: "Sorry Issac, it kills me to kill you. Heh, just trying to lighten the moment son..."
David: "I was completely unaware Bathsheba was married. Well, let's say 80% completely unaware."
Samson: "Listen, Delilah: I haven't told anyone else about the hair thing. I trust you. Like a sister. Who also I have sex with."
Twitter people: you're out of material. Seriously, it's stale. really stale.
women are liars. I love that. Except for the women I'm with. I hate that.
I just asked Santa if he wanted a lap dance. He said fuck off. I'm wondering if he's really Santa.
She just bumped into my mannequin and apologize to her. I can't wait until she's actually drunk.
She brought gifts! Enough for both of us!!! http://t.co/OdUd46Nv
Yelling: IS THERE A HOOKER AROUND? HAS ANYONE SEEN A HOOKER? Me in Tijuana on a backstreet lined with $20 hookers. They hated me.
Girls, the best gift you can give a man this year is a baby. Seriously. That's what they want. Men are simple.
If you call my cock a penis one more time, I'm taking off the Santa suit.
Girl coming over. We're going to sing carols and do ass crack luge shots. My parents handed down unique traditions.
This guy is a real dick. Ask anyone. http://t.co/EyyAmpnP
She wants me to shower her with gifts. She'll get a shower. It's gonna be golden.
Hey, there's a party in my pants again. So far only a squirrel and a cat. I'm calling the cops.
No, I don't know how to spell. That's why I got an iPhone. And fuck you iPhone.
Why can't Santa update his suit like Batman? Be a little more kick ass for a change, gramps. Might even get some pussy.
I'm leaving rain deer meat out for Santa this year. I know he's been craving it.
Jason X rated Ash Tray a B+ with @Jotly http://t.co/N6ADlYef
Blah blah blah. Yeah I'm drunk. Feels good, doesn't it?
I respect you as a woman. I disrespect you as a pair of tits. Let's call it even.
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