TweetJeebus

posted 20 messages on Twitter

“@Scobleizer I'm not impressed. I only had twelve followers, and I changed the world.”

3 hours ago - Link

“@ConversationAge Especially.”

3 hours ago - Link

18 more »

posted a message on Twitter

“So Mom got me an Advent calendar. Nice, but I'm not sure how I feel about eating the Three Wise Men. Even if they're real milk chocolate.”

9 hours ago - Link

posted a message on Twitter

“One comment about the U.S. elections: California, who are you to say who gets married in my house? Now clean up yours.”

yesterday at 9:55 pm - Link

Trish R liked this

posted 21 messages on Twitter

“To answer a common petition: No, even I can't fix Digg. I tried to fix the Canadian Football League, and now all CFL means is a $2 lightbulb”

yesterday at 9:49 pm - Link

“@coffeemike Hmm ... @God isn't Dad. The Archangels won't even let him carry a Blackberry.”

yesterday at 9:42 pm - Link

19 more »

posted a message on Twitter

“Sorry to tweet and run, but I'm trying to wrap up a particularly nice sunset in Maui. I need to grab some more orange and red. Back tomorrow”

yesterday at 9:11 pm - Link

Chris Baskind and Yolanda ♥s Nuttycakes liked this

posted a message on Twitter

“Overnight in Maui to recover from our long weekend. Here's a word to the wise: never invite Vikings to a luau. It won't end well.”

August 4 at 12:57 am - Link

posted two messages on Twitter

“@Entregreeneur I'm on vacation. You can handle this. Good luck!”

August 1 at 9:42 pm - Link

“@Entregreeneur You could try deleting your profile. In fact, that's probably the issue with both browsers. But what do I know?”

August 1 at 9:35 pm - Link

posted two messages on Twitter

“@gemmadw You needn't fear me. Just some of those who use my name.”

August 1 at 7:29 pm - Link

“@gemmadw Their Holinesses are nice guys, really. Hard to understand how anyone could feel threatened by a 5 ft. tall monk wearing a sheet.”

August 1 at 7:07 pm - Link

posted five messages on Twitter

“@jewlicious It sounds as if they've confused you with Michael Arrington. Just rock on like you do.”

August 1 at 12:17 am - Link

“@jewlicious Keep an eye on the monks. Rough bunch.”

August 1 at 12:13 am - Link

3 more »

posted a message on Twitter

“St. Peter just tried on his new swim trunks for the Maui trip. For a swarthy Semite, that guy has the *worst* farmer's tan.”

July 31 at 3:53 pm - Link

posted a message on Twitter

“@bran_tiny You're not old enough to be a failure. I want you to go talk to someone right away. That's not a failure either. Promise me.”

July 30 at 11:14 pm - Link

posted six messages on Twitter

“@phdbre Behold ... I make all things new. Maybe even Twitter, though that's a pretty tall order.”

July 30 at 6:23 pm - Link

“New sin: greenwashing http://tinyurl.com/5doz7n”

July 30 at 6:22 pm - Link

4 more »

posted two messages on Twitter

“If you or someone you know is doing this, stop. Or I'll take oil to $200 a barrel next week. Really. http://tinyurl.com/getoveryour...”

July 29 at 7:38 pm - Link

“@cburell I've always known. It's you lot who have some growing up to do.”

July 29 at 7:36 pm - Link

posted a message on Twitter

“@cburell There is no woman more jealous of my attentions than the Church. Now -- who compiled the Bible? Remember that as you read.”

July 28 at 11:32 am - Link

posted a message on Twitter

“@cburell No, John viewed Mary as his mother. He was a good Jewish boy. Today, he'd have become a doctor.”

July 27 at 2:20 pm - Link

posted a message on Twitter

“@cburell It's written that I loved John above all, but it's not true. Only Thomas had the courage to touch my wounds. He's your model.”

July 26 at 10:36 pm - Link

posted a message on Twitter

“@missrogue It stands for "Horace." Don't tell.”

July 26 at 12:20 am - Link

posted a message on Twitter

“Woke up this morning and realized my time on Twitter is done -- at least for now. Be nice. I'm watching.”

July 25 at 1:39 pm - Link

Chris Baskind liked this

OHS NOES - Chris Baskind

"...there shall be wailing and gnashing of teeth."--Matt. 13:49,50 - Bash

posted a message on Twitter

“When *I* lose followers, it's a bad thing. Really.”

July 24 at 11:19 pm - Link

Ryan Kuder, Yolanda ♥s Nuttycakes, Marvin Smith and 3 other people liked this

lmao - Erin Kotecki Vest

3 more comments

For you, or the followers? - Chris Baskind

Good Lord. What does it take to shake you, TweetJeebus?!?! Not even the FailWhale stops you from finding me. - Lisa L. Seifert

Keep living that life of sin, Lisa, that's a start. - Secret Squirrel

+1 Kaia - Akiva Moskovitz

Nah, he just searches more for me then... ;-) - Lisa L. Seifert

posted a message on Twitter

“Not funny: Jonah goes into hysterics every time the Fail Whale surfaces. He's so hopped on Valium he thinks it's still the Old Testament.”

July 3 at 2:12 pm - Link

Akiva Moskovitz and Yolanda ♥s Nuttycakes liked this

posted a message on Twitter

“Well, at least it's not Mom this time: http://tinyurl.com/67umsl”

July 20 at 11:49 am - Link

Trish R liked this

posted a message on Twitter

“Oops: It's the Dalai Lama. I gotta take this call.”

July 19 at 10:26 pm - Link

could you let him know that his happy laughing schtick is getting old? thanks - djp

posted six messages on Twitter

“@TeeMonster Good to know you're there, too.”

July 19 at 10:23 pm - Link

“The Pope could at least consider selling off some naming rights and donating them to the poor. The Macy's Christmas Mass, for instance.”

July 19 at 10:22 pm - Link

4 more »

posted a message on Twitter

“@waderockett Yeah, well don't go nuts with that, or I'll have to restrict your dominion to animals smaller than a shoebox.”

July 16 at 6:09 pm - Link

posted a message on Twitter

“What if I fixed it so the week started on a Tuesday? Would that help?”

July 14 at 3:08 pm - Link

Will Brown, Michelle Martinez and Trish R liked this

posted a message on Twitter

“@mygorgeous I rarely put in personal appearances at weddings. But I'm happy to bless yours. Many years of happiness!”

July 14 at 12:12 pm - Link

posted a message on Twitter

“@amandageddon I'm sorry for your loss. Won't load you with platitudes about my "divine plan." Sometimes, bad things just happen.”

July 14 at 10:34 am - Link

posted a message on Twitter

“To be honest, this was supposed to be a one-day swing. But we got a deal on a room at the Beau Rivage in Biloxi. Wrapped in Atlanta tonight.”

July 14 at 12:59 am - Link

posted three messages on Twitter

“I'll be busy most of the weekend. St. John has the switchboard, and I'm wearing my beeper. ktnxbye”

July 12 at 1:31 am - Link

“@VelveteenMind No, it's just a social call. No moon turned into blood, locusts, or plagues of frogs. The Coast has had enough of that.”

July 12 at 1:30 am - Link

“@mygorgeous That's the worst job of tempting me I've had in a while.”

July 12 at 1:27 am - Link

posted five messages on Twitter

“@MrDirby Drink of choice: coffee, of course. Do you really think the Tree of Life bore apples? Guess again.”

July 11 at 9:10 pm - Link

“@dtd I rarely read the Gospels. First of all, I know how they turn out. And I've always thought they make me look fat.”

July 11 at 9:09 pm - Link

3 more »

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