Greg Crites - FriendFeed

Based on the first three episodes, and despite my natural revulsion of network TV, I recommend 'THE FINDER' as good entertainment.

23 hours ago from Twitter - Comment - Like - Share

Successful drinking is 100% aspiration with 0% regurgitation. — Greg Crites' infamous quote after his liver retires. (Note 3rd person POV)

23 hours ago from Twitter - Comment - Like - Share

Some of this investment gold from Louie's Funeral Home, Pawn Shop, and Gold Emporium appear suspiciously tooth-shaped?

yesterday from Twitter - Comment - Like - Share

RT @danupham: I suspect my new book, "Jurassic DaVinci's Dragon Zombie Hootenanny" is going to sell well.

yesterday from Twitter - Comment - Like - Share

Another Valentine's Day passes without a massacre. We need to impanel a committee to study why our criminals are such timorous chickenshits.

yesterday from Twitter - Comment - Like - Share

On this day, of all days, I expected at least a modest spike in the value of my cubic zirconium holdings.

yesterday from Twitter - Comment - Like - Share

Send more paramedics #candyheartrejects

yesterday from Twitter - Comment - Like - Share

Make Money From Home #candyheartrejects

yesterday from Twitter - Comment - Like - Share

Dammit! Ran out of factory-second generic prophylactics I re-brand as Genghis KHANdoms.

yesterday from Twitter - Comment - Like - Share

VIBRATOR REPAIRMAN #candyheartrejects

yesterday from Twitter - Comment - Like - Share

Rick Santorum needs to disclose how he lost 2/3rds of his lips. Was it mishandling of the power window button on a 1968 Cadillac?

yesterday from Twitter - Comment - Like - Share

Getting my passport ready just in case anyone gets elected or re-elected. #12milelimit #desertedisland

yesterday from Twitter - Comment - Like - Share

I play the banjo #candyheartrejects

yesterday from Twitter - Comment - Like - Share

Reuters: The Iranian who blew his legs off with a poorly-lobbed grenade had just completed design for Iran's Nucular [sic] Launch Systems.

yesterday from Twitter - Comment - Like - Share

According to the Centers for Disease Control, fire is the only safe disposal option if you stumble upon a Cat Stevens CD.

yesterday from Twitter - Comment - Like - Share

"Who stepped on this shit, Godzilla?" — excerpt from: Berating Your Coke Dealer For Dummies. Coming soon from veinarmor!

yesterday from Twitter - Comment - Like - Share

Historically, on Valentine's Day I've found single ladies particularly vulnerable to the man carrying a sack of scented clumping cat litter.

yesterday from Twitter - Comment - Like - Share

I'm wearing my crotchless bibbed overalls. Gonna plow yer verdant field by candle light. — Amish Valentine's Card

yesterday from Twitter - Comment - Like - Share

I'm wearing pasties on my moobs #candyheartrejects

yesterday from Twitter - Comment - Like - Share

Shove #40dollars up yer ass. #candyheartrejects

yesterday from Twitter - Comment - Like - Share

Nailed a Captain & Tennille CD to a tree for target practice.

yesterday from Twitter - Comment - Like - Share

Hmm! Did not anticipate encountering this level of difficulty locating chocolate covered grasshoppers at local confectioner's.

yesterday from Twitter - Comment - Like - Share

Spot welding heart-shaped tines to this Valentines Spork. #stayingaheadofchinesemanufacturing

yesterday from Twitter - Comment - Like - Share

RT @UncleDynamite: Intercepting the delivery with an "I'll take it from here!" is very romantic, particularly if the flowers were for your neighbor's wife.

yesterday from Twitter - Comment - Like - Share

RT @imadepoopstoday: This Valentine's Day I want to eat sweet tarts off your lady parts - Your move Hallmark...

yesterday from Twitter - Comment - Like - Share

Evidently, this tax clerk last brushed her teeth during the Nixon Presidency. I've been tried, convicted & sentenced to the Breath Penalty.

yesterday from Twitter - Comment - Like - Share

Tried writing one of those 'Roses are red' poems and bogged down when I got to the 'fuck off' part.

yesterday from Twitter - Comment - Like - Share

RT @CyberCowboy: Roses are Red / Violets are Blue / Vodka costs less / Than dinner for two. poem for @VeinArmor

yesterday from Twitter - Comment - Like - Share

If you're feeling alone, for 99¢ I'll call and bitch at you, deride your intellect, lower your self-esteem, and impugn your virility.

yesterday from Twitter - Comment - Like - Share

Corinthians 13: Seekest ye out rich corinthian leather and abide ye not pleather.

yesterday from Twitter - Comment - Like - Share