"PLANO, TX—With the recent trend of wholesome snack foods reaching "truly ridiculous proportions," Frito-Lay announced Monday that it would, against its better judgment, roll out a new line of healthy fruit-and-vegetable-based chips next February. "Here," said Frito-Lay CEO Al Carey as he disgustedly tossed a bag of the company's new Flat Earth-brand snack crisps onto the lectern during a meeting with shareholders and members of the press. "Here's some shit that's made from beets. I hope you're all happy now that you have your precious beet chips with the recommended daily serving of fruit, or vegetables, or whatever the hell a 'beet' is." "Mmm, dehydrated bulb things," Carey added. "Sounds delicious."" - William Harryman from Bookmarklet

"Carey appeared visibly appalled as Frito-Lay employees distributed Flat Earth snack samples to the audience. "God help us all, would you look at these flavors," said Carey, gesturing toward a display showcasing the several varieties of Flat Earth chips, including Kauliflower Krunch, Raisins 'N Chives, Cranberry Spinach Explosion, Rutabaga Yum, Tofu Snaps, Eggplant Ecstasy, Broccoloroos, and Watercress. "Look at what you've reduced us to." "Weren't Sun Chips healthy enough for you, you goddamn hippie bastards?" Carey added." - William Harryman

rofl @ "Unflavored Alfalfa Puffs" - Kamilah Gill