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The apocalypse will come in the form of croquet. https://twitter.com/zefrank...
I like how St.Louis feels like air soup.
Loving this installment in abe greenwalds series: If Latinos Said The Stuff White People Say: http://www.youtube.com/watch...
Loving this installment in abe greenwalds series: If Latinos Said The Stuff White People Say: http://t.co/rUS56vBxee
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Sometimes Mondays feel like when you grab the top of the trash bag and wait for the can to slowly slide down so you can pull it out.
Business cards are the most polite form of litter.
I think each team should have to play with one normal person that represents the average person in that country.
I like it when the guy stands in front of the goal with his arms open like he's waiting for a hug. Worst hug ever.
So far the world cup has been some of the worst games of dodgeball I have ever seen.
If I was in highschool I would become a social media strategist for other teens. During the gold rush, shovel sellers made the real dough.
I bet when numbers have conferences they congratulate each other for becoming more relevant to a younger demo
When I was in highschool popularity was measured close to the Nielson model.
Just dawned on me that teenagers have discreet metrics for popularity.
Remember: we are all one typo away from looking like an asshole
How would a mime mime a mime?
%) %) <- two lovers spooning and looking at the stars.
Rubbing two sticks together will either make 1) a fire or 2) you look like an idiot. There is no inbetween.
The weight of my butt appears to have broken my MotoX screen. So sad. And my butt is unapologetic :(
May you know exactly when it is time to shut up.
When backyards are bad they come back as front lawns. And miss the steps of little feet.
Humor is both the sheath and the sword.
In Subtle Hell all of your candle wicks will always be buried just below the wax.
I wonder if my penis thinks pants are badly made t-shirts?
If the guy that named earthquakes named me I'd be called fleshjiggle
Please say some crazy shit after I'm dead. I want to roll over in my grave. I bet that's pretty fun.
Just confirming. Putting a vacuum cleaner on your bellybutton does nothing.
Blessed #blessed
Imagine a monkey. Like it or not you now have an imaginary monkey.
Your avatar has nightmares of a big fleshy finger coming in closer, closer, to press on it.
It is a strange but lovely present when someone doesn't get your joke but still thinks you said something clever.
First lines of my thriller: a grizzled man emerges from the darkness, he says: "do not smash the porcelain penis" we pan up as an owl hoots.
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