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lovely microdoc on a woman who lives in the LA river... and cares for it :: https://t.co/zb2kqJPJtW
Unsolicited endorsement: old Forrester is the best bourbon for your buck at the moment. 29.99
As I grow older there seems to be a greater expectation that I say things that make sense.
Nothing requires a whole can of tomato paste. feel bad for the paste at the bottom of those tiny cans. They aren't even used in metaphors
Dear way, once in a while I could use some time alone. Love, will.
What would it take for you to believe I had a magic butt?
If I am grouchy and you say I should be grateful, I feel like puking in your mouth hole. I'm sorry.
The apocalypse will come in the form of croquet. https://twitter.com/zefrank...
I like how St.Louis feels like air soup.
Loving this installment in abe greenwalds series: If Latinos Said The Stuff White People Say: http://www.youtube.com/watch...
Loving this installment in abe greenwalds series: If Latinos Said The Stuff White People Say: http://t.co/rUS56vBxee
Play
Sometimes Mondays feel like when you grab the top of the trash bag and wait for the can to slowly slide down so you can pull it out.
Business cards are the most polite form of litter.
I think each team should have to play with one normal person that represents the average person in that country.
I like it when the guy stands in front of the goal with his arms open like he's waiting for a hug. Worst hug ever.
So far the world cup has been some of the worst games of dodgeball I have ever seen.
If I was in highschool I would become a social media strategist for other teens. During the gold rush, shovel sellers made the real dough.
I bet when numbers have conferences they congratulate each other for becoming more relevant to a younger demo
When I was in highschool popularity was measured close to the Nielson model.
Just dawned on me that teenagers have discreet metrics for popularity.
Remember: we are all one typo away from looking like an asshole
How would a mime mime a mime?
%) %) <- two lovers spooning and looking at the stars.
Rubbing two sticks together will either make 1) a fire or 2) you look like an idiot. There is no inbetween.
The weight of my butt appears to have broken my MotoX screen. So sad. And my butt is unapologetic :(
May you know exactly when it is time to shut up.
When backyards are bad they come back as front lawns. And miss the steps of little feet.
Humor is both the sheath and the sword.
In Subtle Hell all of your candle wicks will always be buried just below the wax.
I wonder if my penis thinks pants are badly made t-shirts?
If the guy that named earthquakes named me I'd be called fleshjiggle
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